Funnyisms.

Clutha Leader, Volume I, Issue 5, 6 August 1874, Page 5

Funnyisms.

-— ♦ ■ : m A young man generally gives a lock of his 1 hair to his sweetheart betore he marries her. ;i Alter marriage she sometimes helps herself: 3 — and dosen't use scissors. ' w In Dunedin, a newly-married woman, of f genteel appearance, went to af urniture store M a few days since, and inquired for " a family m fruit basket." She was promptly sh >«n a I cradle, which was just what she wanted. ;fj A Clutha lady dropped one of her eye- -1 brows in the church pe-jv, and dreadfully 1 frightened a young man sitting next to her, 1 who thought it was his moustache. y| A Dunedin Doctor, who was arrested be- : J cause his patient die J, has been acquitted 1 on the ground that he did the best be could, f I giving all the medicines he knew of. If ! Hannibal was our hotel iandlord in M Dunedin ; and he saved the expense of a | gong by keeping a dog whose tail he pulled '-U '•for dinner." M A young lady, a member of a temperance J society, says cider is a necessity for her, and if the society will not allow her to drink it, |j she'll eat apples, and get some young man H to squeeze her, for she can't do without the i juice of the apple. if friend ofouTß-Bayshe"vnnil4«-Hr-^ the price of wood so much if all his neighbors hadn't taken to the disgusting habit of if locking their wood house doora at night. '■% Jones, a respectable householder, lit a M match to discover a leakage in his gas-pipe. '5| There is every reason to believe that Jones : 3f found it; hut nothing of himaelf has since '1 been seen. * lM A girl mToko, broke her neck while resist-. :j ing a young man who was trying to kisa li her. This kind of foolishness always leads /fl to trouble. Just think what her imprudence /pi cost that girl 1 If she had stood up to the /lj rack and taken her fodder bravely she might ; M have been alive yet, and saved her parentg f *1§ the price of a cemetery lot and an expen- ;sl sive funeral. ?! Young men who gro to see girls have adopted*a new way of obtaining kisses. They 3 assert, on the authority of scientific writers, 3| that the concussion produced by a kisi will f§ cause the flame of a gas jet to flicker, and "$ easly induce the girl to experiment in the i inteest of science. The first kiss or two, ll the parties watch the flame to see it flicker, J| but soon become so interested in the experi- • - ; H ments as to let it flicker as it wants to. " : "M Try it yourself. ;J The late tornado in Minnesota kicked -■! up some queer pranks. It blew eight oxen r! over a river eight hundred yards wide. Tt ys\ took -all ithe water out of a pond, carried it y| a mile, then and set it down on Mayor -^ Doran's farm in the shape of a smairiakenil It blew a man* boots off. „ Another man's s "M coat was not only blown short, but acthaUyv 'xlf buttoned from top to bottom. One old *cS lady went up like a balloon, was carried r :^ two and aad a half raile^and finally landed, ~%M astride a telegraph wire, where she 'w-wflß found by her grandson and relieved by a : $M ladder. --■$■:;, .' Ys%jjm Out in Memphis they have a panorama of "fif the Holy Land, which is enlivened by spar-. ring matches, conducted by two eminent :1 brusers, between the scenes', i A few even- %l ings ago the pugilistic \eouteßt becaraeyiin- &M necessarily Ida**, so much co thafc %ef bbyg-^3 at, the crank became disgusted^ ahdiip|fel^l| on the next picture, v ;just .as;-the;ninthironnl^B was about to conclude.^^'e^nae^^nfßl was, that one of the ; CQmhatan„;wa r 9 ■kuock^lj^^ clean ' through' t^nn^^qiMy^^S^v^^m pie, and took -refuge^^^behm^:'the-':Se^.'o||^fl Galilee just as hia ad versjuty kicked his 'footlSS through that sheet oi rwater.; The <plmo^?S ■ f ama is now* ; close^"fni^pairsv - > : 'l S-'o^-l^p^ .-• -MiraMaetarVof^ the garter epiestion, writelrv^^'rciu^iJif'lS -.take n<^e-e'-Uia^ is no hollow brjd^pressionin^rii could,,befrejt#h^ . it- cpuldvmakra;H6^^; ? §^i|*||g^^gf^^M replies-^WM-weV^ think ofit^^M^MiQw& about; ttoej w%%for*aitf^iirtiowj^«i^i^^ ,-hotice, j-njd^ajl^vyy >-^^li\^S__S9i