Help needed for Refuge appeal

Press, 31 July 1989, Page 16

Help needed for Refuge appeal

Many people think women’s refuges are run by man-hating feminist homebreakers, and misunderstand the work they do. The philosophy of the refuge movement is to break the circle of violence that many families are in.

For the children, a stay in a refuge may be their first experience of a nonviolent atmosphere.

The Christchurch Women’s Refuge began in 1973, and was the first facility in the city for “battered” women.

Battering covers a multitude of abuse — physical, sexual, and psychological. Men who abuse are often locked into male authority roles and expect their partners and children to obey them.

Many of these men show extreme jealously, ‘ stopping their partners talking to family, friends, or refuge workers, monitoring mail and phone calls and keeping a wife isolated from anyone who might affirm her in wanting things to be different. Desperation usually makes a woman contact the refuge — usually by phone. Women volunteers — most of whom have been in a violent relationship themselves and understand — operate a 24 hour service, mostly

listening to and believing the caller.

They can arrange to meet the women, offer her some options, and support her in her choices. But she is the only one who can decide what to do.

She may want to move out of the relationship and into one of the two refuges for a time. These “safe houses” are run by two separate collectives. One house is for Maori women.

Or she may just want to drop into the centre in the Atlantis Building in Cathedral Square for support. Last year, Women’s Refuge helped 159 women and 224 children aged from birth to 16 years. A great many more were counselled on the phone.

The Government partly funds the refuge, but local groups must find the rest. Most workers are volunteers, but even so, it is costly to use specialist services and to keep the two houses going. This Friday, August 4, is the national street appeal for the women’s refuge movement.

Anyone who can help with the collection is asked to phone 647-306 or 797-047. An area and time can be arranged to suit. Otherwise call at the Christchurch Cathedral

crypt between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Children of alcoholics Children growing up in families where there is alcoholism are very susceptible to emotional and physical problems as adults.

Their tragedy is that as children, they don’t have a healthy model for living — and their childhood survival strategies don’t work in adulthood. In order to function well, adult children of alcoholics need to re-ex-perience the pain of their home lives, come to terms with it and learn to take care of themselves in the present. Elie King has worked with adult children of alcoholics at Queen Mary Hospital in Hanmer for 18 months. Under her caring guidance, hundreds of broken people have been able to start new lives.

Elie will be giving a workshop for adult children of alcoholics in Christchurch this weekend. This will be from 10 a.m. until 3 p.m. on Saturday and from 10 a.m. until 2.30 p.m. on Sunday, at 12 Julius Terrace, Shirley. The fee is $4O. The workshop is limited to 25 people. For bookings and more details phone 660-598 and ask for Liz.