To discipline with love

Press, 27 July 1989, Page 10

To discipline with love

• Teaching obedience should never be at the expense of a loving relationship with the child. • Always distinguish between loving children and accepting their behaviour — whether it is good or bad.

• The goal of good discipline is to obtain inner conformity and conviction (which will prevent objectionable behaviour). Until children develop internal controls it is necessary for parents to practise external controls.

• When discipline is

handled right it teaches children to do the right thing without being told and gives children a sense of control over their own behaviour. Self-worth grows when they feel capable of handling their own situations in life.

• Discipline is the seed of freedom. Unless children learn responsibility and self-discipline they will never develop fully in life and learn how to become truly independent emotionally or economically.

• Children should learn

to do what is right because of the good feeling it gives them to do the right things.

• Giving children a voice in their government teaches responsibility, self-reliance, mental and emotional growth, creativity and a strong selfconcept. We can only teach responsibility by giving responsibility. • If children do not abide by the standards they know to be right, they feel a loss of self-esteem for their own lack of ability to behave correctly. Self-

worth is directly related to abiding by our morals, standards, values and behaviour we know to be right. • Watch out for punishment that only imposes external controls. When a child’s behaviour is controlled by an authority figure, the behaviour usu•ally only lasts as long- as the authority is present. ’ Punishment that does not teach self-control can be very damaging. Behaviour will be repeated.

• When attempting to control children’s wills we

must be very careful not to break their spirits. Children’s spirits or attitudes and feelings about themselves are directly related to their personal worth and self-esteem.

• If you spank your children never hit them any place except on their bottom.

• Sometimes the discipline itself is the cause of a child’s poor behaviour. Don’t repeat the same mistakes your parents made with you. It is only natural to do so.

— Denis Waitley