Cry babies: getting them to sleep

Press, 13 July 1989, Page 9

Cry babies: getting them to sleep

All babies cry. Give or take a few smiles and gurgles it’s their only way of saying what they want.

But some babies cry excessively and will not be comforted. Princess Beatrice is said to be one.

If that’s the case the Duke and Duchess of York will find themselves in the company of thousands of distraught new parents facing sleepless nights and frustrating days as they desperately seek ways of pacifying their howling scrap of humanity. The problem is far more common than many people think. Experts estimate that one in 10 babies cry this way. "The trouble is,” says Dr Penny Stanway, author of the new “Mothercare Guide to Child Health,” “you do feel very alone. Everyone else seems to have happy, peaceful babies.

“Crying can drive people to the end of their tether. They say they feel like hurling the baby out of the window.

“Obviously it is not a

feeling to indulge, but it’s important to acknowledge how helpless and afraid people feel. “I always tell mothers: ■you’re not a failure. A baby is entitled to make a fuss if he has colic or feels fedup about something. He would be the same with anyone else. You’re the person he wants’.” Pat Gray helped found Cry-Sis, a national support group for such families after living through the problem with both of her children. She says: “Younger babies do not cry because that’s the way they can get mum. Even in maternity wards you hear new mothers being told, ‘Oh he’s got you wrapped round his little finger.’ That’s nonsense. They cry because there’s a problem. “You have to try and find what it is. There may, of course, come point where you have to accept your baby is like this and reduce your expectations. “Don’t stay at home letting your resentments get out of hand. Take the

baby out, or leave him with a trusted helper. And remember time passes, things do get better.” Lizzie Aspel, wife of TV star Michael Aspel the television talk show host, agrees. Their youngest son Daniel, now four, suffered three month colic. “There really is no cure but time. You feel you’re the only one, but as soon as you start talking about it to other mothers you find out how widespread it is.” When Daniel was two he started having difficulties settling for the night. “The trick there is to keep going in to the room, several times in an evening if necessary, for a quick kiss and cuddle. But don’t stay. •“I know of parents who had to spend hours sitting on the edge of the bed.

We had taken his older brother, Patrick, into our bed, but in fact we’ve only just broken the habit and he’s now seven!”

Here are the experts’ top 20 tips. (1) Make sure the baby is not hungry. Breast feed on demand be ready to offer a bottle more often, and drinks between feeds in case he’s thirsty. (2) Breast feeding mothers should try to gauge if their own diet is affecting the baby. Anything that, gives you wind will probably have the same effect on him. Try eating foods rich in tryptophan an amino acid which helps relaxation and sleep. It is found in such proteins as lamb, liver, beef, trout, cottage cheese and roasted peanuts.

(3) Check that the baby is not too hot or too cold,

suffering from nappy rash, too tight clothing, open nappy pins and so on. Make sure he’s not in a draught or near cigarette smoke — some babies are, thought to be highly sensitive to .it. (4) Find out what kind of a baby you have. Some babies are over-sensitive and easily disturbed and do not take kindly to our current craze for dangling mobiles and , bright nursery surroundings. Keep everything as peaceful as possible, particularly when you’re feeding him. (5) Other babies, however, need lots of stimulation. They may be crying out of boredom. Don’t expect a baby to sleep/feed/ sleep. Some want a lot of amusement.

(6) Swaddling is an age-old remedy that often soothes. Wrap the baby up firmly, enclosing arms

and legs but leaving hands free.

(7) Human contact works wonders. Less sophisticated societiescarry their babies around almost continually and anthropologists find they cry much less.

.(8) Slings hold the baby on your chest leaving your hands free. Fretful ones are calmed, outgoing ones entertained.

(9) Rocking is another time-honoured method. Easiest to do while you’re walking about. Aim for around 90 rocks , per minute.

(10) Pram and car rides often send a baby to sleep, but make sure you’re not having to do it every night! (11) Get into a routine. Babies seem to respond to structured days more favourable than ones that are constantly changing. (12) A bath may calm but it may also perk up. So pick the right time for your child. (13) Noise makes them nod off. Not just traditional lullabies and calm voices but all kinds of other sounds. You can buy tapes of soothing womb noises or heart beats.

Some people find babies respond to music they heard while in the womb. Others turn on the vacuum cleaner.

(14) Sucking — on breast, thumb, or dummy — is a baby’s own way of soothing himself. No harm in any. You can worry about breaking the habit later.

(15) Try baby massage. Rub him very gently with baby oil or talc. Some babies adore it and pulling their legs gently backwards and forwards can relieve wind. Where a birth has been difficult cranial oestopathy (gentle manipulation of head and neck) by a qualified expert has been found very effective.

(16) Avoid drugs and alcohol. No drugs are safe for babies that small. Though most families have stories how whisky was rubbed into granddad’s gums, even the smallest amount oi alcohol can be dangerous even deadly for , a little one.

(17) Try herbal remedies instead. Many health food stores have appropriately mild preparations. (18) Take the baby into

bed with you if it feels right for you and your partner. Unless you’re drunk or drugged you won’t smother him, and it may be the only way of getting any peace. (19) Tired babies may need a bit of a grumble before they go off to sleep, but don’t just leave

a baby to cry and cry. It’s not good for their lungs, it’s just cruel. The only exception would be if you thought you might harm him if you had to go to him one more time. At that point, get help. (20) Look after yourself. Being frantic and exhausted won’t help

either of you. Pat Gray advises, “Let the housework go hang. Sleep when he sleeps. Make sure, you and your partner have an evening out every now and again.” And Dr' Stanway says “make sure someone looks after you as well.”. —DUO

The problem of the constantly crying baby that won’t be comforted is far more common than generally believed; reports Liz Gill, who offers some useful advice on how to overcome the stress this causes.