Sorry to bother you but would you read this?

Press, 1 June 1989, Page 18

Sorry to bother you but would you read this?

PA Wellington Apologising for “potential offences” is how many women, prolific apoiogisers compared with men, begin a conversation, says a linguist who has recently studied when, why and how New Zealanders say sorry. “Really sorry to bother you... hope I’m not intruding on your busy day but I won’t take up much of your time and I am sorry to have to tell you this” are some examples. The subject is well researched in many countries, but the associate professor in linguistics at Victoria University, Professor Janet Holmes, said hers was the first done in New Zealand. New Zealanders usually keep it short and simple when apologising, with “sorry” sufficing for a multitude of mishaps or misdeeds. “While a perfunctory ’sorry’ or even ‘oops’ is perfectly adequate when you spill the salt, something more elaborate is required when you spill red wine on your boss’s new white shag pile carpet,” she said. “I’m terribly sorry. I do apologise. I’m afraid I got unavoidably detained by my boss. I promise it won’t happen again. Please let me get you something to eat at once,” one polite young man said to his irate, elderly uncle whom he

had kept waiting in a restaurant. This was one of the many samples researchers collected for the study from observations of everyday situations. Some offences were so serious that apologies might last for days or even weeks to appease the person, Professor Holmes said. Repeated assurances that the offence was unintentional and that “it won’t happen again” were all part of such extended and often costly apologies if flowers and chocolates are included. Most apologies fitted the crime in terms of length and formula, though not many people resorted to such bizarre tactics as in the film, “A Fish Called Wanda,” in which John Cleese apologised profusely while hung by the feet from a high rise window, Professor Holmes said.

Women apologise more often and also give compliments more readily than men.

Some people (mainly women) apologise without having done anything, but insist on apologising for taking up time and space, for intruding and for talking.

People were more likely to say sorry to friends and colleagues than to strangers or family members, she said.