‘Music helps people release their emotions’

Press, 30 March 1989, Page 10

‘Music helps people release their emotions’

By

FELICITY PRICE

Female funeral directors are few and far between in New Zealand. Christchurch’s Robyn Beardsley has an even more unusual claim to fame — she is a singing funeral director.

A partner in Palmer South Island Funeral Services, Robyn Beardsley has been conducting funerals and helping the bereaved in Christchurch for the past three years. And, as a member of the harmony quartet, Satin and Style, associated with the Sweet Adelines, Robyn is often to be seen singing at many of the funerals she is conducting — either solo or with the other members of the Sweet Adelines.

“Music is important in a funeral service, because it helps people release their emotions,” Robyn says. “Most other cultures have triggers to release emotion in their bereavement rituals, whereas we struggle to contain our emotions.

“Music is particularly good at bringing our emotions to the surface, especially if the music

means something special to either the deceased or the bereaved.”

Robyn will sing anything the bereaved relatives ask for. Usually, she says, it’s “Abide with Me” or "Amazing Grace,” but the group has also been asked to sing Dire Straits’ songs.

She believes a good funeral director should be flexible — be able to provide whatever the relatives want, within reason.

“We like to think of a funeral as the celebration of a life of a person, as well as mourning for their death,” she says. Robyn and her business partner, Ron Palmer, will act as funeral celebrants when required.

“We have noticed a trend for more secular funeral services. People want to have a spiritual, yet non-religious, ceremony and we can provide that by acting as funeral celebrants.”

That’s like being a marriage celebrant, she explains, only instead of celebrating a marriage, they are celebrating someone’s life. The music and singing adds to the personal touch she puts in to each funeral service. Because she becomes so deeply involved in many of the services she and Ron Palmer conduct, Robyn is often taken for family or friends of the deceased. So she often finds herself in the role of comforter and supporter of the bereaved.

Robyn’s background in community work has helped prepare her for dealing with the bereaved, and especially for comforting parents who have lost a baby. “Babies’ funerals are particularly poignant, and it’s important that the ceremony is appropriate to the parents’ lifestyle and beliefs.”

Robyn Beardsley and

Ron Palmer have helped many parents commemorate their babies’ short lives. In particular, they have provided special services for babies who are stillborn or who have miscarried before 28 weeks.

Robyn believes that having a proper funeral for the baby helps the parents come to terms with the loss of their baby.

“Miscarried babies are not usually given a funeral service — yet the parents will have still had hopes and dreams for their baby, after six or seven months pregnancy.” Robyn finds that being a woman is often a help to parents who have lost a baby — and to many of the bereaved that she deals with — because people seem to find it easier to talk to a woman about how they feel. Being a funeral director makes her just that little bit removed from the family so that they feel they can tell her things that they cannot tell other family members.