Coping with grief at Christmas

Press, 7 December 1988, Page 18

Coping with grief at Christmas

In the festive season, the whole world seems consumed with tinsel and glitter, but those who grieve are only aware of the terrible hole in their hearts and in their lives. Knowing the intense pain felt by many during the holiday season and other anniversaries, the Community Health Service has produced some helpful thoughts which other bereaved people have shared with the hope of making this easier to handle. We must realise that

grieving persons have definite limitations. They do not function at normal capacity. Their emotions and thinking are a bit “topsy-turvey.” Therefore, we must re-evaluate our priorities and decide what is really meaningful for ourselves and families. Bereaved persons must make it clear what they want aad what they can do. The family must find out and respect the wishes of the bereaved. We must decide what we can handle comfortably — and let these needs be known to family, friends

and relatives, such as: © Whether or not to talk about our loss openly.

• Whether we can handle the responsibility of the family dinner, parties, etc., or if we wish someone else to take over some of these tasks. © Whether we will stay here for the festivities or choose to get sanctuary in a totally different holiday environment, this year. Whether it is greeting cards, holiday baking, putting up the tree, decorations or having a big family dinner, ask before making any decisions:

9 Have I involved or considered my other children?

© Do I really enjoy doing this? Do other family members really enjoy it? ® Would Christmas be Christmas without it?

Develop your own ideas. Do your own thing. ■ One family burns a “special candle” on all their special days

One mother buys a house plant for her home as a living memorial to her son for the festival, another orders' a bouquet i of orange flowers. •