Two reports on men

Press, 28 November 1987, Page 27

Two reports on men

(Reviews by Sharon Hunter)

The Woman report on Men. By Deidre Sanders. Sphere Books, 1987. 264 pp. $1299 (paperback).

What do men today think, feel, and want sexually? What are their sex lives really like, and why? Deidre Sanders* survey of 5000 men, first published in “Woman” magazine, is the British answer to Shere Hite's mammoth 1129-page report on American male sexuality published in 1981.

Sanders’ questionnaire runs the gauntlet from masturbation to medical solutions for sexual problems, along the way it discovers that the majority of young men are inadequately sexually prepared, both by their parents and the school system; only one in four husbands think that it is important to be faithful and feel that their wives overreact if an affair is discovered; and one in four men say they are not bothered by the reports about A.I.D.S. But, by far the most interesting aspect of this book is the contention by three out of four men that their sex lives are inadequate; and seven out of ten men wish that their wives would show more sexual initiative.

For the majority of the men surveyed, sex and work were the most pivotal aspects to their lives, yet for the women in their lives, sex remained very much secondary, or even far less than secondary, to their existences. Why does such an imbalance exist between male and female sexuality? Why is sex so important to men and such a seemingly endlessly obsessive subject to them?

The answers, it appears, are historical and cultural. Patriarchal Western culture teaches men mid women that intercourse symbolises masculinity and male identity. The acceptance of the man by the woman validates such a concept of masculinity. For the majority of men in Sanders’ survey, intercourse was a way of substantiating their male identity. To be a man in our society, it seems, is to have as much intercourse as is available or possible. For many men in the survey intercourse involved conquering the woman and feeling dominant.

Sociologists claim to have proved that there is no such thing as the masculine sex drive — there is no actual biological or physical proof of a “need” for intercourse. There is, in fact, nothing hormonal which makes a man have to “have” a woman in a sexual sense. Such driven sexual behaviour by men in Western society seems socially conditioned.

The preoccupation with sex by men in the West also has an important link with the fact that men are, in general, not permitted to touch or embrace others, other than in a sexual way. Often, only through sex do the majority of men have a way to be truly close and intimate with another human being. Why don’t many women seem to want sex? Why were the majority of

men in Sanders* survey dissatisfied with their partner's sexual response? why did the women in their lives show such a lack of interest and passivity when there is no innate biological difference between women and men in sexual desire? Once again, it seems, female sexual inertia can be explained culturally. Western woman's culturally learnt passivity extends, it seems, from the boardroom to the bedroom. In our society intercourse is defined in male sexual terms and is* still thought of as an active man getting what he wants while a woman passively supplies it Women, it seems, can ask for equal pay, but because of various cultural reasons, cannot ask for equal pleasure, sexually. When women become more fully emancipated in all walks of their lives, the act of love may become just that an act of mutual tenderness and pleasure for both sexes. Sanders* book is both interesting and disturbing and, while not as complex and well-rounded as Shere Hite’s American equivalent ' still makes for thoughtful reading tor both sexes.

Everyman. By Derek Llewekyn-Jonee. Oxford University Press, 1987. $14.99. 307 pp. (paperback). Like Deidre Sanders' book, Derek Llewellyn Jones's “Everyman’’ explores the ages of man focusing primarily on male sexuality. Llewellyn Jones’s “Everywoman” fell down, for me, because of what I interpreted to be a paternalistic and patronising attitude; "Everyman” on the other hand may be read equally by both sexes and viewed In a positive light Both his understanding of what makes a man "a man” in Western society, and his concentration upon the obviously important relationship between the sexes, show a pleasantly forward-looking commentary that is unfortunately rarely found in books focusing upon such subjects. 1 Llewellyn-Jones explores myths and preconceptions about what connotates society's expectations of the masculine and feminine “roles.” As many people of both sexes now believe, such narrow denotations may be totally unnecessary. If cultural and ideological changes are introduced to both sexes in the critical time between babyhood and four years of age, the fabric of society will not necessarily be tom asunder; this will, In fact, lead to a less violent, more caring society with a shared power base.

Conventional masculinity and 1 heterosexual relationships form the greater part of the book, but Llewellyn-Jones also includes an excellent chapter on homosexuality written with tact and wisdom. Medical problems of particular importance to men,' such as the masculine prediction to heart attacks, are also examined, as well as A.LDJS. and sexual dysfunction. This is an excellent book, both for Its examination of the straightforward biological facts and for its far-seeing social and cultural insights; a must tor the more enlightened adolescent and man of the eighties.