Children can also hurt

Press, 19 May 1987, Page 19

Children can also hurt

When a death occurs within the family, children’s feelings are often neglected. Communication about death is easier when the child feels that she has permission to talk about the subject and believes we are sincerely interested in her views and questions. Encourage the child to communicate by listening attentively, respecting her views, and answering her questions honestly. Every child is an individual and communication about death may depend on her age and her own experiences. If she is very

young, she may view death as temporary, and is more concerned about separation from? her loved ones than about death itself. j It is not always easy to “hear” what a child is really asking, so .it may be necessary to respond to a question such as, “When are you going to die?” with another question in order to fully understand the j child’s concern — “Afe you afraid there’ll belno one to look after yob when I’m gone? There’s Uncle John, your grandparents and Aunty Jane !to take care of you when I’m not

here.” A very young child can absorb only a limited amount of information. Answers, therefore, need to be brief, simple, and repeated when necessary. A child often feels guilty and angry when she loses a close family member. She needs reassurance that she has been, and will continue to be loved and cared for. (AH information supplied by the Cot Death Division of the National Children’s Health Research Foundation.)