Reporter’s diary

Press, 29 August 1986, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

False alarms A READER got a phone call yesterday from a person who claimed to be doing burglar-alarm research. The woman was asked if she had an alarm system in her home. Luckily she had the good sense to refuse to say anything over the phone to a stranger. She points out that such information would be very useful to burglars, who must be getting as lazy as they are unsubtle. Watering hole GOLFERS traditionally take the nineteenth hole quite seriously. None more seriously, it would seem, than the Kaiapoi Golf Club, which has applied for a permit to sink a 50-65 m bore. But, the bore & for irrigation. Or

perhaps the sort of bore in mind is verbal. At any rate, the Kaiapoi Borough Council electricity committee has recommended that the permit should be granted. Foreign growth ' DUTCH ARMY beds are now officially longer — all because the Dutch, already among the tallest Europeans, are getting taller. In 1984 the Dutch Army recruited 477 men over 200 cm (6ft 7in) tall, compared with 363 in 1980. As well, the Dutch Municipal Building Fund says that requests from home buyers has meant a change to the standard height of doors. This has increased by 10cm to 207 cm (6ft Ilin). It is perhaps better than the news that British firemen are getting fatter, q

Computer language EVEN EXCUSES for not doing homework have to move with the times. In the age of the computer, old faithfuls such as “The dog ate it” have altered to “My computer ate it” A whole new wave of excuses is recorded in a recent edition of "Readers’ Digest” including' one marvel, which replaces "My little brother scribbled all over it with crayons.” Instead, it goes: “My little brother played Pac-Man on it and erased it” A colleague suggests that “Out of memory error” should stand for “I forgot.”Behind the lines BRIGHT SCHOOL pupils have not been slow to exploit the new techno-

logy in other ways. One young Christchurch girl was given 400 lines to write as punishment Armed with a word processor it was a simple matter to tap out “I must not ...” then push the repeat button. Riff-R.A.F. MRS ANNE Pattison, of Taunton, Somerset, has been offered about $llOO by the R.A.F. because her animals have been upset by low-flying aircraft The “Farmers’ Weekly” reports that the screaming jets so startled the rabbits that they went right off sex, and the hens stopped laying. Mrs Pattison was forced to close her holding, and put in her claim. The R.A.F. offer is not enough she says, and she is string out for $43,750.

Untactful POLICE TRAINEES needed something challenging to get them thinking fast, decided an inspector at the Police College in Porirua. So he told his class he was going to test them with a rapid round of “spot-the-deliber-ate-error.” It was a witsharpening toughie, he assured them, which only the brightest and best trainees would notice. The preamble done, the inspector was turning to write on the board when he noticed a perky recruit waving an arm in the air. “Sir, I’ve got it, sir. Your fly’s undone.” He was right but the test had not begun ... —Jenny (JfyiTk.