Random reminder

Press, 18 February 1986, Page 23

Random reminder

CAST THE FIRST STEIN

Helpful Hints for Amateur Potters

1. Rather than common old “fingers,” use the Multiplexo brand “Pokamatic” Internal Reamer and Clockwork Spokeshave to form the inner contours of your coffee mugs. This will ensure that they cannot be washed clean by anything except the Multiplexo “Rondabendia” Sink Scourer and Dish Brush, which has never been imported into this country. 2. Use clay just slightly too damp. The contours will slump. Whatever type of scrubbing brush is used, your mugs will stay unwashable. This results in “culture,” in a scientific sense. 3. Do not attempt to imitate the type of tea-cup handle which fits between the thumb and two fingers, leaving the little finger to be extended. Proper handles for coffee mugs are those into which entire knuckles may

fit without finding leverage behind, or insulation in front, and from which the digit may be extracted only with difficulty. 4. Similarly, the proper shape for a coffee mug has nothing to do with teacups, which are wide at the top and narrow at the bottom and easy to drink from. Make your lips thick. Make your bottoms bulbous and sugary. Make your sides slope outwards and down. Mathematically, delta mils over delta theta has to approach infinity. In plain English, tipping the mug through a small angle to get the last few drops must suddenly release enough liquid to run past the edge of the chin and down the neck. We do not seek entries in the Clumsy Coffee-mug Competition, thank you. We have got some.