Guest for Christmas dinner

Press, 24 December 1985, Page 17

Guest for Christmas dinner

Reporters of “The Press” invited prominent personalities to choose a guest for Christmas Day dinner from any time in history. Below are the reasons they give for their choices; above are their guests. Back row: Spirit of Christmas, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tina Turner, Peter Fraser, Sir Arthur Tyndall, Captain J. C. Stokes, Jesus, Aphrodite, Dale Carnegie. Front row: Rowan Atkinson, John Mortimer, Mickey Mouse, Mahatma Gandhi, Joh BjelkePetersen, Groucho Marx, Justice Casey, Charles Dickens, Virgin Mary, Queen Elizabeth II, Noah, Ben Hur.

• A startled whistle of expelled air was the reaction of craggyfaced poet Sam Hunt to the question. “Phew... that’s a good one/’ he mused. But the pause lasted only the briefest of seconds before the bard’s mind and tongue were off and racing again. “I’d invite Christ. Yes, I’d ask Christ along. I’d say ‘How do you feel about having your name attached to things like Christianity and Christmas?’ Yes, I’d check him out on that one and I’m sure the answers would be pretty interesting.

“And I’d like to have his mother along, too. Yes, it would have to be a BYOM (Bring Your Own Mum) dinner,” he laughed, quickly warming to the idea. (He was not to know that Mary was another’s guest.) “Sometimes when I’ve met somebody for whom I have a regard I get the feeling that I have met God • Liz Grant, who introduces “Mainland Touch”: John Mortimer fits my idea of an ideal dinner companion: a good conversationalist with a lively interest in the world and a wide range of interests. Reading his autobiography on the radio, he is a man of wit, charm, and experience. He has an interesting background, with an eccentric father who dominated his early life. This may have produced some interesting qualities. It’s also unusual to combine two demanding careers: writer and barrister. It bespeaks prodigious energy. He looks as though he enjoys good food and wine. That combined • Peter Hoskins, director and cofounder of the Christchurch software development company, Burroughs LINC, and one of Canterbury’s most successful businessmen: I would be delighted to have Groucho Marx present at my Christmas dinner. Invariably businessmen take themselves far too seriously, within a stressful and often crisis-driven environment. I enjoy moments of mad-cap hilarity and mirth, and can’t get enough of them. At Christmas we dwell on aspects of giving, family, and friends, and especially God’s gift to mankind. We tend to overlook joy, humour, and good fun. With family and friends, I want to be reduced to tears of laughter 9 Vicki Buck, a Christchurch City councillor: “I’d invite two people. First, the Queen. Because maybe then she might not have time to deliver her Christmas message. “Also, Mother Christmas. She’s the one who really does all the work — like getting hubby out of bed on time, of push-starting the sled, answering his thousands of letters, and doubtless baking the pavlova. And I hear tell that when it’s all over, he falls asleep in front of telly while she does the dishes.” • Alex (“Grizz”) Wyllie, hardbitten former all Black and Canterbury rugby coach, has shown a rarelyseen streak of romanticism by choosing Ben Hur as his special Christmas dinner guest. He saw the movie as a boy and was most impressed with the man — particularly the way he didn’t stand any nonsense, of course. “I just think he would be an interesting sort of bloke to have around,” said Grizz. Might not Ben Hur be a potentially dangerous character to have in one’s home in a social situation?

already, so I don’t think I would be surprised as to what he’s like. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not a bom again Christian, I’m just very interested in him as a poet. “And I would make him very welcome, as I hope he one day will choose to make me!”

with stimulating conversation and a great deal of laughter — what more could you ask?

with the man who is reputed to have said, “I would never join a club that would have me as a member”.

“Well, with a few grogs in him, you never know ...”

• Ruth Richardson, member of Parliament for Selwyn, who has chosen Noah as her Christmas dinner guest because “he floated a company when the rest of the world was in liquidation.” “I would tell him that I admired his sense of purpose, his choice of company, and in particular his commitment to the earth and the things that come from it. “He was a man who understood the elements and the natural system.” She adds that it would be interesting to discover the ingredients of his foresight. • Ken Strongman, professor of psychology at the University of Canterbury and “The Press” television critic: Apart from being a time at . which one is in particular need of a trolley to wheel round an increasingly gravid gut, Christmas is a period of unsober reflection. How have I failed in 1985? What can I do to be a lovelier person in 1986? “Being lovely in 1986 needs the grace with which Denis Thatcher takes a back seat and the facility with which David Lange can swallow his indigestion without interrupting the flow of his words. It would be helped by a study of Jim McLay’s TV smile, Louise Joyce’s eyebrows, and the saddle-worn philosophy of Ronald Reagan. One would need an understanding of the calm, measured objectivity of Norman Jones, and the sheer goodnatured charm of John McEnroe • Gordon Freeman, chairman of Waimairi District Council works, reserves and traffic committee: “I could not think of any person it would be more of a privilege to have Christmas dinner with than Tina Turner, this totally amazing person. To be completely forgotten, music and fame wise, to have drug problems, etc, and come again from oblivion to attract, entertain, and be idolised by youth and middle-age public alike, absolutely amazes me. “She is a lady with popular rock music attributes, strong religious convictions, coming up nearly 50 years of age, and on top of entertainment, fame disadvantages — public harassment, media pressure — she still lends herself to being a grandmother. Her motiva- • Michael Harlow, a Greek-Ameri-can, Katherine Mansfield Fellowship winner, 1986, and lecturer at Teachers’ College, who has lived in New Zealand for 10 years: “Who else at Christmas dinner than the enlightened and lively presence of Her Ladyship Aphrodite, Goddess of Love? Of course, a ritual banquet with occasional interlude of fine Goat Dance to timbrel, woodland flute, and lyra. And throughout the splendid feast — we shall play bold at table, and Hark the Herald Deities, amen — those fine intimacies of conversation. Encouraged by copious bowls of her best Paphian wine, she might reveal All, or nearly: the curious mystery of her birth, nicely spiced with anecdotes of her notorious adventures with Ares; and surely, the True Story of Helen of Troy, and Why . . . f Finally, post-prandial sport will include those most agreeably innocent of pastimes: tiddly-winks, pick-up-sticks, and marbles. For a • Tom McGuigan, member of the Canterbury Hospital Board and a former Minister of Health: I always associate Charles Dickens’ name and writings with Christmas. His objective was always family entertainment and for 17 years of his life his Christmas long—short stories were welcome fare for many. In his early writings, Dickens was light-hearted, tender, full of recollections of his childhood and zest for the amusements of youth, and for that Christmas spirit of active usefulness, perseverance, cheerful discharge of duty, kindness, and forebearance. Later he became a tireless campaigner against social injustice but remained, above all, a magnificent

when his balls go astray. “To find all this in a single Christmas dinner guest so that one can emulate it in the New Year is not easy. The answer is either the French Prime Minister or Rowan Atkinson as the Black Adder. I go for the Black Adder.”

tion is an example to us all. “In normal life circumstances, to attain a profile like this, and keep succeeding, would give anyone second thoughts.”

nightcap: ambrosia and nectar, what else? And, to conclude, perhaps for the health that’s in it, a rousing game of Kottabos or “throwing the wine,” to discover, of all things, our chances of success in . . . Love. Fade out: to the tune of “Love’s Labour Gained” with voiceover, "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlefolk ...”

entertainer. What a contribution Dickens could make towards celebrating Christmas in any home — even today.

• Carolyn Risk, a Christchurch solicitor, and originator of the Christchurch Community Law Centre: “I would like to invite for Christmas dinner my legal hero of the year, Mr Justice Casey. His decision on the All Black tour injunction was an illustration of how our legal system can work when people who have access to it and understand it are able to use it for their own ends. The tour issue won and lost elections and split families across boundaries. “Mr Justice Casey’s decision was an illustration of how the legal system operated in a context where the political system had not. It showed the power people are able to wield if they understand the legal system. “It would be interesting to know if Mr Justice Casey saw it as just another case, or as something more • Michael de Hamel, editor of the “Akaroa Mail”: “I would invite Mary, the mother of Jesus, because mothers like their children’s birthdays. She had great love for her child and I would love to see that on her face. She would not be an easy guest; she’d have strange food fads and, being a good Jewish girl, she wouldn’t eat the ham. “We’d need an interpreter, otherwise her Aramaic would be hard to understand. But she’d cope pretty well. She survived in adverse circumstances and she got on fairly well with cows, horses, and donkeys. She’d be most intrigued to hear of Halley’s Comet, and she would appreciate small presents — • Jeremy Coney, New Zealand cricket captain and saver of test matches, is looking forward to a relaxing, quiet Christmas day with his family. Though no mean raconteur himself, he doesn’t want to put too much effort into conversation over Christmas dinner. “It would be rather nice to have a little conversation, though, just to liven things up.” To this end, he would choose two dinner guests: the late Indian man-of-peace, Mahatma Gandhi, and the bellicose Queensland Premier, Joh BjelkePetersen. “I would place them strategically round the table, then sit back and see what developed. I am sure something would. Of course, we wouldn’t get involved.” No doubt the two guests would have different tastes, but Mrs • David McPhail, satirist and humourist, and television star with John Gadsby: My Christmas dinner and my inconsequential reputation as a literary man would be greatly enhanced were I able to say that I struggled for hours trying to decide between such guests as Oscar Wilde or Voltaire, between such luminaries as La Rochefoucauld or even Ray Columbus. But I would deluding myself. A guest should not only be entertaining, he should also be entertained. Such personalities would probably find my conversation, my food, and my attempts at witticism excessively tiresome, and the whole meal would become a disaster. Therefore, I would welcome at my Christmas table Laurel and • The Minister of Housing, Phil Goff, says that, because he is a politician, he would invite someone prominent in New Zealand politics in the past to Christmas dinner so that they could comment on the way our society has evolved and what has been achieved. After mentioning Seddon and Michael Joseph Savage, Mr Goff settled for Peter Fraser because “he was the most successful' Labour Prime Minister in terms of the length of time he governed.” Fraser successfully took New Zealand through a war and a postwar era, and had a concept of New Zealand as a sovereign independent State. Mr Goff says that although Fraser was not hallowed in the

than the ordinary operation of his role as a judge. I’d like to know what his reaction was when he found he was sitting on the case, and how he felt in the light of the subsequent comments on his decision.”

after all she didn’t refuse them from the three wise men. She’d be very down to earth.”

Coney was quite willing to provide something other than beef for the great Hindu leader, and something with a chocolate flavour for Sir Joh, after his infamous ban on New Zealand chocolate.

Hardy. If the conversation became dull they would pull funny faces; if the jokes were dull they would make better ones; and if the food was dull we would all throw it at each other.

same way Savage was, he was still at the centre of politics in New Zealand for 14 years.

• Lester Wolfreys of the Community Law Centre: “There is no one person I’d most like to invite to Christmas dinner — there are thousands. There are the people who collectively give endless hours and energy to help others have a happier Christmas. Those who help counter the feelings of guilt, sadness, and disappointment felt by many people who are not able to have or give the plentiful, packaged, plastic, and proverbial happy Christmas. “The Christmas which television, glossy brochures, happy family programmes, and Christmas commercials all tell us we really must have to be happy. They all say it’s not the thought behind giving but the size, cost, and complexity of the gift that really shows how • Captain Jack Barbour and Captain John IL-ort Stokes would have a fair amount of note-swapping to do over Christmas dinner together. The two men have a surprising amount in common, although their careers at sea are about 100 years apart. Captain Barbour is Harbourmaster with the Lyttelton Harbour Board. His choice of a Christmas dinner guest, Captain Stokes, was captain of the Royal Navy survey ship Acheron, which was appointed by the Admiralty to survey the New Zealand coastline from 1849 to 1851. Captain Stokes was in Lyttelton by 1849 and his chart is similar to the one in use today. “I was also in the Navy, and in 1954 was with a survey party doing inland survey work from small boats,” says Captain Barbour. “Nowadays we have modern pens and inks for chart work. They must have used quill pens, but their charts were always so neat.” Captain Barbour would also spend a bit of time comparing ® Bert Walker, a former Minister of Social Welfare and now chairman of the Sunday Club, would like to share Christmas dinner with Dale Carnegie, the famous American author and teacher. Carnegie, who lived from 1888 to 1955, gained worldwide acclaim for his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Mr Walker admires Carnegie because he was “a guy who rose from nothing to international fame by finding a way to fill a universal human need — how to stop worrying and start living.” Mr Walker read Carnegie’s book before every session of Parliament for 18 years. “If everyone else did that the world wouldn’t face the problems it does. His books represent the greatest movement in adult education the world has ever • Norman West, former director of the Canterbury Employers’ Federation, has chosen: “A former judge of the Arbitration Court, Sir- Arthur Tyndall, an imposing personality from comparative recent history, always forthright and an intriguing mixture of good humour and authority. One who left his mark indelibly on New Zealand industrial arbitration. “His personal style of evenhanded reasoning, frequently difficult to follow, but nonetheless respected and accepted by both sides, drew disputing parties to his Court for 25 years, providing a period of relative stability from which New Zealanders undoubtedly benefit. The festive season is upon us but goodwill is not always evident, • Inviting a prominent personality to Christmas dinner would throw existing seating arrangements at the North Canterbury home of Mr Mike Vernon into total disarray. Mr Vernon, a former hill country farmer, is a farming financial consultant. "Our circular dining room table would make a political personality feel at home, but we would have trouble deciding whether to set a place for the guest left of left, left of centre, or left of right. Right of right is a dark space and we would not wish any guest to be on his own in no-man’s land.” Having excluded all political personalities, and with the Meat Board staffed by one computer and

much we care. “My invitation is to those who give the most precious thing of all — their time.”

notes with Captain Stokes about life aboard sailing ships. He first went to sea in March, 1944, in a four-masted barque. “Seeing I was also in a sailing ship, although it was much bigger than the Acheron, it would be interesting to see how they sailed around.” Christmas time prompts another memory for Captain Barbour. “We got a tot of rum on Christmas Day and there was also a special dinner. I wonder if Captain Stokes did the same for his men?”

known... Top businessmen I have met round the world say Dale Carnegie’s theories really work.” Mr Walker would expect his guest to talk as he wrote — “with plenty of good-humoured logic.”

with stoppages seemingly established as a new way of life. When the topic crops up, as undoubtedly it would, the opportunity to hear his view of where we are going wrong is irresistible.”

the M.A.F. staffed anonymously, Mr Vernon said he would neither confirm nor deny inviting Mickey Mouse.