Psychology of giving: Christmas guilt

Press, 20 December 1985, Page 12

Psychology of giving: Christmas guilt

The size and value of a Christmas gift may be determined by the guilt and insecurity of its giver, an idea advertisers long have known and exploited, N.Z.P.A.-AP reports an American marketing expert. f ‘lf you think you haven’t done a good job as a parent or haven’t spent enough time with your wife or children, you might try to compensate with an extravagent Christmas gift,” says Peter Reingen, of Arizona State University. Though some giving is unselfish, and the recipient usually feels good about the giver, an excessive gift can produce hostility, says the college of business professor.

Advertisers have long been aware of this tendency of guilt to influence giftgiving and use it to their advantage, he points out. “According to holiday commercials, you’re not a good spouse if you don’t show your appreciation with an expensive gift.” “That’s why you’ll see

jewellery commercials run on television at times when both the husband and the wife are viewing. The idea is for the wife to turn to the husband and say, ‘you’d never buy anything like that for me’.”

Children are especially adept at getting what they want by making their parents feel guilty, Professor Reingen says. “For example, you’ve seen commerials that hint that if you . don’t buy little Johnny a home computer you’ll be responsible for his failing to pass to the next grade.

Insecurity also plays a major role in deciding which Christmas gifts to give. “When we give a gift, we project an image," he explains. “This is particularly apparent when employees give gifts to their bosses. I would think that some gifts bosses give their employees are not as generous as some gifts they receive from their employees because the boss doesn’t have to impress anyone.”

If a person feels very secure, he or she may be able to resist the temptation to make an impression with an extravagent gift, Professor Reingen adds. “You don’t have to impress those you love and with whom your relationship is secure.”

But he adds: “Even in the most secure of relationships, it is sometimes important to say ‘I love you’ with. a material expression.” Peter Reingen also believes many gift-givers are motivated by the desire to get something in return.

“Gift-giving is self-perpe-tuating. You have an obligation to give and, hopefully, an obligation to receive. “At times we give gifts for totally unselfish reasons, but in general, when we give a gift we expect something in return.” Most of the time, he believes we have a good idea of what to expect, and that becomes a gauge of how much we should give. “And to be on the safe side, we generally end up spending too much.”