Random reminder
THE R.R. PLAN FOR HEALTHY WALLETS
Wanted by owner of printing press, person possessing word processer, view 1985 best seller paper back entitled: “Suddenly last Son Of Afrika Korps Came In From The Vet” or possibly “The Perfumed Tropic of Armageddon Farm Holocaust For Fun And Profit”. Chapter 1. It is World War H. A German unit is reeling back, living on scraps of horse, refugee and tooth-grade gold. A British patrol is trimming the hydrangeas of a Belgian nunnery when interrupted. As the fragments of Tommy, stormtrooper, nun, and visiting American patter down, Captain the Honourable Reginald FitzFortescue gasps that the world will one day be safe for (dies). Chapter 2. “Help me forget”, breathes diaphanous Fiona FitzFortescue, thrusting forward her firm young figure as thin "Jaeger” dressing gown slips from the smooth curves of her unmarked, virginal “Kosichrome” cocktail cabinet to reveal the warm glow of the “Eddystone” five valve superhetrodyne (this whole chapter is 50 per cent trembling ripe lucious adjectives and 50 per cent carefully spelled brand names).
Chapter 3. Little did Fiona know as the experienced thumb and forefinger of the new NLP. for Coldwater and Bigglesworth sensuously met across the raised, firm, starter button escutcheon of Jowett “Jupiter” 1.5 litre sports. . .oops, wrong chapter. Anyhow, the black gardener did it And he cooks better. Chapter 4. Historical flashback to Jamaica, centuries of slavery, violence, sex, sunshine, prejudice, lust, racism, greed, gluttony (with recipes), anger, sloth, avarice, brutality, and pride. Chapter 5. Glimpse of the future in Argentina. Mad scientist watches genetic horror killer bee combing tooth brush moustache. Jewish milkman .sets timer on explosive passionfruit yoghurt Arab marksman swivels cross-hairs. Young German (the only decent kind) runs 100 metres to joggle step-ladder, trips over power supply to genetic horror killer bee restraint grid. And so on. And so on. Commercial artists specialising in undraped females, tattered Stars of David, bloodstained swastikas, and barbed wire lit by flames, need not apply, as every paperback publisher already employs several.
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/CHP19841031.2.211
Bibliographic details
Press, 31 October 1984, Page 49
Word Count
335Random reminder Press, 31 October 1984, Page 49
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Acknowledgements
This newspaper was digitised in partnership with Christchurch City Libraries.
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