Coming to terms with change

Press, 26 July 1984, Page 12

Coming to terms with change

Counselling for children of one-parent families is part of the Christian Family Movement. JACQUELINE STEINCAMP reports on efforts made to help these children make, adjustments in their lives.

It is an unusual concept, to say the least. Children meeting to discuss 'their personal problems, to reinforce within themselves the good things about life, and ways of coping with things that aren’t so good. Short, 6-week discussion groups for children from solo parent families in the Christian Family Movement are now in their second year of operation. The project is administered by Catholic Social Services. It is run by former leaders from the Christian Family Movement’s Solo Parents’ Support Group. The groups are divided up by age. The five to seven-year-old group meets in a Wainoni Idndergarten, while the eight to nine-year-olds, the ten to eleven-year-olds, the twelve to thirteen-year-olds and the fourteen to fifteen-year-olds meet at the Catholic Social Services. The programme is aimed at helping the young participants to accept that they live in one-parent families. It also provides opportunities for checking and referring on any psychological and medical problems. All groups meet weekly. The programme is organised to provide time for discussion, creative activities that encourage children to express their feelings, and group activities such as roller and ice skating. All groups are attended by a child psychologist, Claire Pearson, a Sister of Mercy who is working fulltime with Catholic Social Services. The organisation is now considering a long-term group for teenagers. Children of solo parents might be expected to have a higher incidence of behavioural and emotional problems than those from twoparent families. But, in fact, they don’t, according to Alison Weir, secretary of the Solo Parents’ Groups, who co-ori-nates the children’s programme. “We’re finding very few real problems; these are very well adjusted children,” says Mrs Weir. “Their biggest hurdles, are in coming to terms with the breakdown of their parents’ marriages, in accepting that money will be scarce for some time to come, and in handling the difficulties of feeling different in a twoparent world. “One thing we do notice with the children is that they are often more aware than most of the sorts of things that are important in marriage. “Children in the senior groups talk about their own future marriage partners, and they raise very practical issues. Will they be hookers, for instance. What about drugs? Will they be willing to share?” '

Alison Weir explains that within the groups the children are able to construct their own agenda, and determine their own priorities. “We don’t talk about problems, as such. We give them time to work out what they, want to talk about, and we provide creative opportunities for them to express themselves in other ways. “If they are drawing, for instance, we might get them to do pictures of their fathers—and these can give us a real insight into how they are feeling about things.” The programme has been set up because the Solo Parents’ Groups feel that there is nowhere else to go for children who tnay need extra understanding and help. “The approach of secondary schools is hopeless in preparing children for life and marriage, because they are just not realistic about the .sorts of lives that people live,” say Alison Weir. “Teachers are just not interested in the realities of the solo-parent family. They talk about life in terms of the two-parent family, and treat everyone accordingly. “Solo-parent children are often afraid to tell their teachers that their parents are on benefits.” Parents meet at the same time as the five to seven-year-olds. This enables the whole family environment

and individual interactions to be assessed.

The Christian Family Movement Solo Parents’ Support Group is meeting on-going expenses for the children’s programme. The parents pay for expenses for activities that are part of the programmes. The Christian Family Movement’s Solo Parent Groups were founded by Margaret Grenfell, a New Brighton solo parent, in 1974.

Mrs Grenfell is now the president of the Solo Parent Groups. She has obtained a diploma and certificate in social work from the University of Canterbury, and works as a counsellor for C.F.M. based at Catholic Social Services. With Catholic Social Services’ support, thte voluntary organisation is now becoming much more skilled in its abilities to support solo parents with financial, emotional, family, or. any other’problems. There are about 160 members in Christchurch, who are divided into nine groups. They meet fortnightly for mutual support, discussion, and personal development exercises. Now, for the first time, all group-leaders are being given training in group leadership, support, and counselling skills. There is now more supervision for what is often a demanding and sensitive job.

All 14 leaders work on a voluntary basis, and are responsible for the solo parents in their own groups. They put in many hours work, and clock up many miles in their (usually) battered, creaking vehicles helping those without transport to visit lawyers, the Social Welfare Department, and take children to doctors. Visits to members of their groups, and telephone counselling and advice can take up many hours , of their time. As a former member of the movement, I can vouch for its positive, • non-judg-.mental, non-sexist approach. While a short prayer is always part of a meeting, the feeling that comes through is towards growth and personal development. Life is not always serious for the Solo Parent Groups. Their socialising is legendary, and there is a warmth and caring feeling in their frequent get-togethers. Recently group leaders met for a 2Vz-day seminar on a structural analysis of society. Led by Father John Curnow, chaplain to the Solo Parents’ Groups, they examined power structures and their effect on the powerless. “Religion is a minor part of our approach, but we have Christianity in our caring, family in our support, and movement in Our em-

phasis on personal growth,” explains Margaret Grenfell. The Single Mothers’ Support Group is also affiliated to the Christchurch groups. Most solo parents are having extreme financial difficulties these days, according to Margaret Grenfell. The numbers of people receiving the Domestic Purposes Benefit is rising steadily. She thinks this is more a reflection that jobs are hard to get than of increased numbers of solo parents. The length of time people stay on the D.P.B. has also increased, again a reflection of the job situation. In 1980, the average time on the benefit was 18 months; by 1982, it was two years, 11 months. Although beneficiaries are allowed to earn $l3OO a year

without reductions in the benefit, other types of financial assistance, such as the accommodation benefit, are reduced. “Accepting the benefit is inclined to keep people out of the employment market,” says Mrs Grenfell. The Solo Parents’ Support Group part of the Christian Family Movement is slowly spreading to other centres. Groups are established in Auckland, Whakatane, Timaru, Oamaru, plus an affiliated group in Dunedin. The first national conference will be held in Christchurch during Labour Weekend. Anyone wishing to make contact with the Solo parents’ Support Groups should contact Alison Weir, phone 830-250 (evenings) or phone 64-002 (week-days).