Brief greetings are enough to make men blush

Press, 4 March 1982, Page 17

Brief greetings are enough to make men blush

By

MIKE ROYKO,

of the

“Chicago Sun-Times”

Most men would feel foolish .and look foolish when confronted in their office by an attractive woman taking off her clothes. One man saw the idea as a money spinner ...

Jake’s Law went something like this: “If something is in bad enough taste, don’t worry; you’ll find a customer." During his long life, Jake did many things and almost anything to pay the rent. For a while he sold used cars (“If it’s got a flashy paint job. it don’t matter if there’s a wind-up rubber band under the hood. I’ll sell it.”). Then he had a men’s clothing shop selling what could generously be described as off-brands, some of which he bought from nervous strangers in the back of unmarked trucks. (“I was the last guy in Chicago selling the zoot suit. And they were moving good. There’s always somebody who will buy a zoot -suit.”) But his favourite business which he ran until his death, was a novelty shop. It was the kind of place that dealt in heckties with light-up naked women; false faces made of a rubber nose and horn-rimmed glass frames; John F. Kennedy commemorative ashtrays; practical joke devices such as dribble glasses and hand buzzers, and throw pillows that said things like “I love Mom,” “Visit Niagara Falls,” and “God Bless America.” “I figure it this way,” Jake liked to say, "a thousand times more people have bumper stickers that say ‘Tommy Bartlett's Water Show,’ than have got Picasso prints hanging in their houses. That’s my market.” I thought of Jake and Jake's Law when I made the acquaintance of one Dick J. Talsky, a chiropractor and entrepreneur. Talsky, 38, recently started a new business. It is called “A Greeting in Brief.” This is what he sells: Let’s say that a friend or someone you work with, or a business associate is having a birthday or anniversary of some sort. You want to give him something really different. So you contact Mr Talsky and give him the information. At a specified time, Mr Talsky comes walking in accompanied by a shapely woman.

The woman reads something like a telegram wishing you a happy birthday or whatever it might be, and explains that you are going to receive a’ “greeting in brief.” Then they turn on a portable cassette machine that plays a disco song. The woman, who is fully clothed, proceeds to become less fully clothed. In other words, she does a bump-and-grind strip. While doing it, she places her various bumps just a few inches from the recipient of this greeting and invites him to pull various cords and tassles that undo the garments. , She accompanies this by leaning over the honoured

party and leering and cooing at him. The performance takes about five minutes, and she winds up wearing only a skimpy translucent bra and bikini bottoms that are barelv visible. Business, Mr Talsky says, is pretty good. “I got the idea when I read about a similar operation in New York. I recruited the ladies who wanted to do this type of thing, added a few touches, and started my- programme at $BO a performance. “The shows that work best are where a lot of people can gather around, such as in a law office or something like that.” - ■; That, of course, is because most men feel foolish and look foolish when they are suddenly confronted in their office, by an attractive woman who takes her clothes off. A man might not feel quite as foolish if he and the woman were alone. But with a crowd of co-workers standing there snickering, it can play a bit of havoc with a guy’s dignity.

“Generally the man getting surprised gets red in the face.” Talsky said. (I would assume so. A woman’s bare bottom, jiggling inches from one’s nose while one’s secretary and the file clerk look on, could cause a bit of blush.)

“And they get jumbled fingers and they’re all thumbs because they have to help with the button, zippers and strings. It’s funny, the ones with the most agile fingers usually have them turn into thumbs when the girls ask them to help them off with their blouses.” But some of the honorees have thrown themselves into the spirit of the moment, Mr Talsky says. For example there was a judge whom he would not name.

“The girl was kind of nervous because it was the first time she had been out. But the judge helped out. He

unzipped his pants and took them off while she got down to her bikini. Then the two of them danced. “There were about 25 people watching and they thought it was a scream.” Yes. I would think a judge taking his pants off and dancing around his chambers with a near-naked young woman would be a scream, if not an outright howl. Mr Talsky says that as word of his service has spread, business has grown and. he expects it to get even bigger.'

“I’m a kinda ham and have been peripherally involved in show business all of my life. This allows me to flex my creative muscles. I have several other ideas I plan to explore.” The spirit of Jake lives on, Mr Talsky. You might try seeing if you can move a few zoot suits. Or a hand buzzer or two.

Leering and cooing

Unzipped , his pants