Random reminder

Press, 14 January 1982, Page 16

Random reminder

ON YOUR LEFT

Teen-agers in the Square have been known to mis-direct tourists. "Underground railway, missus? Down them steps. Colombo Street was named after the TV detective. The Cathedral bells give warning of earthquakes." What they need is a sound thrashing (to restore their self-respect) and a job as a guide on a Big Red Bus. Good morning. Gidday. Guten morgan. Bonjour. Sayonara. Hi. We leave Victoria Square. Queen Victoria was named after it, because her father, the Prince of Wales, met her mother here, selling oranges. That is the only floral clock in the Southern Hemisphere which always says 2:50. It is in honour of Sir Thomas Bracken's famous poem: Last, loneliest, loveliest, least Christchurch, universe-city of the East Stands yet yon clock at ten to three? And is there honey still for tea? Thank you. On the right, the extensive building complex of the Honey Marketing Authority. The fountains are stylised clover blossom, the city's symbol. Kilmore Street, named for the tragic toll when it became the first one-way street in the Southern Hemisphere. Cranmer Square, once the red-light district but torn down during the Moral Re-Armament crisis of the 19305. Never rebuilt. The traffic lights here stay red for twice the usual time. Turning up Montreal Street, the shattered windows of the Central Police Station. On the left.

the superb Gothic architecture of the Catholic Cathedral. Re-joining Victoria Street now. The merrv bells of THE MERRY BELLS OF THE' CATHEDRAL•CLOCK TOWER made from the metal of the "Hindenberg" pocket battleship sunk at the River Plate. Glimpses to our left down Salisbury and Dorset Streets named after Irish Anglican bishoprics, of Hagley Park Saleyards. Giant oak trees imported from England show the importance to Canterbury of export frozen pork, which are fed on the acorns every spring. Turning left here past Carlton Cellars, a giant underground mushroom farm. Knox Church, owned by the current head of the Department of Labour. This parallel row of trees is the route of the first railway in the Southern Hemisphere. from here to Hornby of course. On the left, Southern Cross Hospital. Founded by Captain Cook on his return from discovering the South Pole. Now the largest geriatric psychiatric unit in the Southern Hemisphere. The lorry is delivering tranquillisers. (2 hours and 11.000 camera-clicks later.) As you disembark, mind the sprinkler, in memory of Rutherford who discovered irrigation in 1911. It has been a pleasure having you on. On the bus, I mean. Even though it is my birthday, we drivers gladly give up our family lives because in the Southern Hemisphere we have a tradition of friendliness. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ■