Coming to terms with new age of opportunity

Press, 24 June 1981, Page 12

Coming to terms with new age of opportunity

This is going to have a feminist slant: I’d rather call it feminine encouragement. We know of individually successful women who have established themselves in interesting careers, and then give advice to the rest of us.

We listen and try to emulate them. Often we end up in a little heap of despair because what seemed easy is so difficult to achieve sometimes.

We are barraged by advice and opinions titled, “How, Where, What, When, Who,” through radio and television, newspapers and periodicals. Yet, I believe, there is still a large mass of women struggling to come to terms with the new age of so-called female enlightenment. Governments’ are slowly recognising that changes in "women's statu? and most sensibly of women carry approxiiriately fifty per cent of the voting power. • Though severely under-represented, we can nevertheless influence pelitical? decisions.

Medicine is understanding more and no longer dismissing as neurotic the very real physical and emotional problems from which women can suffer. '

And wondering manhood stands aside, bemused and confused, wondering where it will all end. Well, in my opinion, it won’t stop where it has been for far, far too long. ‘ /.. The most far reaching" development to alter our lives has been successful birth control. We can choose motherhood, and- the number of children we'- wish to have. Now, with a great control of our bodies, we must learn a greater understanding of ourselves.

Kno\y- yourself, first. Be positive;about yourself, never having bland, shapeless thoughts of yourself. Recognise and say “hi” to your daily delights and despairs. Weave them all into a

Not her chosen man, with whom she may be consumed by loving passion and welcome his every influence. But by men who mean absolutely nothing to her, but from whom'she needs some particular assistance. / Your doctor, lawyer, minister, factory boss, accountant,- policeman, funeral director and so on. They'are overwhelmingly still /male, with male thinking, male ethics, male bias and an attitude towards the opposite gender which they themselves often don’t recognise, or realise. We should delight in the -unique . differences of our sexes, and” try not to rant and rave with frustration and bitterness at what are still old ways not dying easily. Like all revolutions, the women’s revolution will take a generation or two to really permeate, develop a solid direction, then settle down into the normal,.

In knowing calm, let us understand some of the facts. The fact that there is in a woman’s make-up a “service” thinking. Service to parents, to boy friends and

Now if you dislike — nay, detest — then possibly the practice of diplomacy can be an interesting lesson. It can be bad "vibes” between you, a genuine distrust, or an historical wrong never righted. You merely put lines on your face and meanness in your heart if you dwell on wrongs for too’long. First of all try looking for new and unknown sides to that person, find neutral ground to re-start the relationship. It is possible to build something new out of what might appear all bad. " If this doesn’t happen, then recognise he or she is a “right kink,” and keep your distance where possible, preserving your aura of calm detachment. The calmness must win; not the internal,.recurring nit-picking. Get. on with all the good and positive daily developments, of your life, large and small.' x lt is. important for women not to be cowed or over4avyed by people thought

“super” or “well-educated” or “snob” or “posh” — or any other of the funny adjectives used to describe different people. Fundamentally, they are stilL people. Many are men in professional or executive positions, playing important roles in a woman's life. Think of them as “service” people in your life. If you need their services, and are paying their bills, then it’s vital that you are entirely happy, and come to understand your problem. You pay their bills. Your money helps to keep them in business. Therefore, don’t be overawed by educated mumbo jumbo. Some of these people are rather sad and isolated people in fact, and they have their own hang-ups. They can be so specialised in their particular field that they are uncomfortable in other surroundings, and therefore lead singularly narrow lives.

. In fact, we all have hangups of one description or another.

- When sitting with your lawyer reading something applying to your interests, yet finding it impossible to understand, have him spend time explaining all satisfactorily to you. It could be dealing with births and deaths, inheritances and wills, divorces, child custody, property, in fact any of the many legal requirements which can deeply influence your life. You must completely understand what you are signing.

Your doctor intimately deals with your body and mind from birth to death.

Make sure you knew what he is doing and why — what he hopes to achieve with medication or surgery. Don’t feql embarrassed. It’s your body, and whatever its s'ta.te it is all you’ve got as packaging. So do not let anyone mess around wth it

whilst you remain in ignorance. Ask all the questions you have until you react peace of mind. Professional people whe offer their service to the public expect changes in the camp, so if you are not happy attempt to find the right “service” to suit you. As an illustration, I needed a sharebroker, and the name of one was suggested to me. Along I went to discuss the investment of my hardearned savings and the savings I had made on behalf of my children. I met a man barely able to rise from his office seat-As I walked in — not a'pained body, just lazy about his manners. No smile, just a grim, monotonous monologue of nothing. I remained polite, but inwardly determined never to do business’-with him. After'Xhat interview 1 made further enquiries, and now have found a sharebroker who is concerned with my account' no matter how small. And it is.

So try to be as satisfied as possible with each and every one of your “service” people. A doctor: the medical attention you receive. A lawyer: the legal matter encircling your life. • A manufacturer his products you buy. A shopkeeper: the goods you buy from him. The various transport ser*vices: you bought a ticket.

Your‘ money is contributing towards that business and the many others not mentioned here.

Finally, remember always that you don’t get far with rudeness and confrontation.

‘Professional people . , . your money keeps them in business'