Reporter’s diary

Press, 23 June 1981, Page 2

Reporter’s diary

Going cheap MOUNT COOK’S first, free community newspaper was published on June 18. Called the “Mount Cook Chronicle,” the six-foolscap-page newsletter, printed on green paper, will be produced fortnightly, “funded entirely from advertising revenue from Mount Cook people for Mount Cook people." The first issue reports on . the possibility of an ambulance service for the Mount Cook Village, and representatives of the St John Ambulance Association will visit-the village today to discuss’ the situation, the association has. offered the town an ambulance at a nominal fee of 10c — providing there is enough interest. A public meeting, to discuss the issue will be held at 1 p.m. at the park headquarters. Off duty TRAFFIC officers on point duty can be a hindrance rather than a help to motorists. even in rush hours, a traffic survey in Bristol, England, has shown. A month-long experiment in Bristol showed that motorists coped better without anyone directing traffic. The head of the city’s traffic division, Chief Superintendent Paul Harris, had to admit that it .looked as though his officers ;had been of little help. “And,

if I am to be honest,” he said, “in some cases they have been a hindrance.” Instead of putting the officers back on duty during the rush hours, the traffic division is going to ask for traffic lights to be installed at some of the worst bottlenecks, leaving the traffic men to deal with illegal parking. Meeting of idiots THE INAUGURAL meeting of the Goon Preservation Society last week did not exactly attract the entire population of Christchurch — or even a healthy proportion of it, the organiser said yesterday. “We didn’t exactly need the Town Hall for lhe meeting,” he said. “But we did get a good response. About 15 turned up, and we have had a lot of telephone calls and letters from others since. So we have decided to hold another meeting on July 9 — in the same back bar of the same hotel. I think we’ll get a lot more people who are interested in becoming idiots.” Anyone else who wants to become an idiot should telephone 897-073, during , “abnormal business hours” (i.e.,. daytime). Economising IMAGINE driving at an average fuel consumption of 2747.5. miles per gallon. That’s the new world fuel

economy record which three Australian engineers are claiming after their driver, a housewife, aged 37, drove their single-seater vehicle powered by a 6.5 cc aeroplane engine around a measured course near Sydney recently. More ducks DUCKS UNLIMITED reports with pride that its members have managed to rear 101 brown teal ducks during the 1980-81 breeding season, a figure which represents onetenth of the world population of the breed. The brown teal is endemic to New Zealand with only about 1000 of them living in the wild, and the figure is slowly declining, the organisation reports. Ducks Unlimited is aiming- to reverse the decline by breeding large numbers in captivity and releasing them into suitable wild areas. In this way, the Ducks Unlimited people hope to ensure that several hundred ’ birds are reared each season. Openers A CAN of pineapple was absolutely essential for the meal, but the young couple did not possess a can opener. The lady of the house, in a small North Otago town, told her’boyfriend that she would ring up a friend who did own such an instrument, and he could take the can around for the necessary operation

to be performed. The telephone call was made, the the boyfriend duly arrived at a house, and knocked on the door. When it opened, he thrust the can into the hands of the man standing there and said: “Here, open this.” The can was taken away, opened, and returned to the messenger’s open hands, but not without an extremely quizzical glance. “Thanks,” said the boyfriend. He got a stony stare in response. “Funny friends you’ve got,” the boyfriend said when he was back at his girlfriend’s place. It did not take long for her to discover that he had gone to the wrong house. No fun

SINGAPORE at last, and the two young men from Ashburton were eager to sample the Oriental hospitality, from the comfort of their hotel. They rang an outcall massage service, gave their room number, and prepared themselves for the tender touch of petite and pretty masseuses. The doorbell rang, and the visions of a most enjoyable evening flooded to them as they went to let their welcome strangers in. Well, it was not what they expected. A 100-kilogram male monster strode in, and proceeded to beat the daylights out of them for an hour. The “gentle” massage left, them sore for a fortnight