Divorce study reveals how much the children suffer

Press, 23 September 1980, Page 17

Divorce study reveals how much the children suffer

By

PAUL PICKERING,

“Observer,” London

The magic may Have gone out of a marriage but couples who have children are wrong if they believe they can walk out of one another’s lives. Even if they hate the sight of one another and take new partners they are both still vital to a child’s development. That is the uncomfortable conclusion of the first full study of divorce by two American psychologists, Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan Berlin Kelly, who traced the mangled lives of 60 divorcing families over five years. Their book, “Surviving the Breakup” was published last week. In America, where more than, a million children a year are affected by divorce; the study has had instant impact. The San Francisco Foundation has just'voted the authors $1 million to set up ■ The Centre for the Family in Transition* —-

The book says there are successful divorces where the children and parents come out unscathed — but both partners have to work much harder at them than they worked at their marriage. A meticulous case study approach brings home how wounding in later life the child’s awareness of the parents’ distress can be. “I am afraid when Mom takes a long time to come home,” said Anna, aged nine, to the researchers. ‘‘She tried to commit suicide because of my Dad. It wasn’t until long after the divorce she stopped crying. I think of her jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.” This disturbance occurs because of the parents’ inability when angry and depressed to give a child the love it needs. Anxiety can start before the divorce —one nine-year-old said her day depended on

whether her parents’ beds were pushed ■ together or pulled apart. The researchers found that children do not forget the absent parent and fantasise about bringing the family back together again. “Barbara, _ 11, ' arranged the family dolls around the dinner _ table awaiting the imminent arrival of the daddy doll

who never appeared. It soon became clear that •waiting for daddy” was a central fantasy repeated endlessly as if frozen in time.” The frenetic sexual activity of the adults which follows the breakup can have very disturbing effects: Ann, aged 10, volunteered that she was worried about her Dad because he had 10 or 15

girlfriends and her Mom ■ because she has five boyfriends. Joint custody is best, the study concludes, because once a parent is made redundant they ■ usually withdraw, which . is bad for both parent and child. In England and • Wales, where 200,000 children have to face their parents’ divorce each year,

joint custody is awarded in less than two per cent and a half of cases. The study has been web corned in Britain. Dr Martin Richards, of the Medical Psychology Unit at Cambridge - University, said: “I think this study is very important because so little work has been done in the area. "The study- is one of children in California

where the divorce rate Is twice as high, but from what we have seen our results are reasonably similar. "We find that it is often some months later, after the divorce, that the parents realise they cannot just walk out. The children have to go on seeing both parents. Unfortunately, people often cope with divorce by cutting off; the children go with the mother and the father visits. "Few people realise that more than 50 per cent of fathers lose touch completely. They are relegated to the role of an occasional Father Christmas. From what this book says this is very serious.” Dr Richards is conducting a feasibility study for a larger project on divorce and separation funded by the Department of Health and Social Security. He is also hoping for a change of attitude in the law courts to make join? custody an alternative.

Dr Jack Dominian, head of the British Marriage Research Centre, also applauded the study; “For a very long time people have been talking about creative divorce and good divorce. We now can see the consequences on the children.” “I am not against divorce,”- said Dr Judith Wallerstein, one of the book’s researchers, at her home in Belvedere, California. “I am just in favour of equal recognition for the children. Our centre is to be based on the recognition that children must have both their original father and mother.” She added: "When Dr Kelly and I started it was very difficult because people would not admit there was a problem. It is only now when these children are appearing in psychiatric clinics — 80 per cent are from broken families — that there is a sense of growing concern.’’