Random reminder

Press, 23 July 1980, Page 34

Random reminder

TEN COMMANDMENTS

... for parents. “Will combat the self-indulgent drift from decent ordinary standards of common sense” — A teen-ager. (I) Thou shalt dress so as other kids will not giggle or go “Yuk.” No leather, P.V.C., denim (elbow patches are marginally 0.K.), No pink stretch trousers. (II) Thou’s shalt tell no jokes to or in front of other kids. Especially elephant, knock-knock, Irish, last nights TV, and dirty jokes. And jokes in funny accents: And puns. (HD With no comment, threat, jest, sermon, or moral, thou shalt punctually issue neither less nor more than the correct pocket money. (IV) Thou shalt refrain from using any construction in any language, including English, which thy children are presumed to have learned at school, . Verily, c’est sehr kino, n’est ce pas? (V) Keep thy reminiscences of the Boer War, the Black Death, and the Renaissance to thyself ...

(VI) .-.. likewise, the slang of those periods. (VII) Nor issue any imperative in the wise of “Get that (noun) (verbed) immediately”, lest thy children be tempted to think in their secret hearts “Get (deleted)”. (VIII) In conversation to others, especially shalt thou not draw attention to thy children’s (for example) grimacing, standing on erne foot, and shutting the eyes. Which meaneth that thou art being excruciatingly embarrassing already. (IX) Neither commit thy children to public performance of any thing for entertainment or reward, nor, for goodness sake, thyself. (X) If thou believest that moral guidance (i.e. sex instruction) is exclusively thy parental responsibility when thou alone judgest the time to be right — forget it. The real world conformeth not (see'No. VIII) with thy illusion.