Explaining sex for very young inquirers

Press, 17 May 1980, Page 14

Explaining sex for very young inquirers

By

NANCY McMillan,

education officer with

the Christchurch branch of the New Zealand Family Planning Association.

One of the best ways in which parents can ensure that their children get accurate information on the facts of life is to keep a number of children’s books on the subject on an accessible shelf somewhere at home. Books never do more than supplement a child's sex education. The child is- getting that from the day he is born as he absorbs the attitudes of those around him, first of his family, then of friends and neighbours, and later of school mates-, not to mention the role played by the media. But books can ensure that the information the child gets is accurate. They can provide him and his parents, whose own knowledge may be inadequate, with a clear description of the human reproductive system and its functions. Usually they provide excellent illustrations. They also provide the standard language, an important factor for some parents who find trouble, not so much in knowing what to say, but rather how to say it. People sometimes feel their own terminology is unsuitable for their children. The question of language becomes even more important when dealing with the feelings, emotional • and physical, involved in sexuality. Many books available provide imaginative and s-uitable ways of describing these feelings for particular age groups. Some of them are very funny, as sex itself can be, and are marvellous icebreakers for parents who are a bit diffident. Another reason for having good books around on a permanent basis is that children can refer to them whenever they feel like it. Few children will pick up all the facts in one “talk”. They are quite likely to get some things wrong and to forget others.

It is reassuring to be able to check up on what you might have heard behind the bike sheds. A recent Cabinet decision ensures- that the 1945 Education Department’s ruling that “there is no place in the primary school for group or class instruction in sex education” still stands. So children are not going to receive much help from their teachers. Sometimes, parents may not be around either when questions need to be asked. Or a child may not feel like approaching them with that particular query. The best of the books will give straight forward facts and sympathetic reassurances. Moreover, they are a delight to own. Most have been written by people highly qualified in teaching, psychology, or medicine, who have been prompted to write by the questions their own children have asked. In .comparison with only 15 years ago there is now a wide range available, using a variety of approaches, and most parents should find some which suit their tastes and needs. Many of the.books for the very young begin with the advent of a younger brother or sister; for instance Viki Holland’s “We are having a Baby,” a story told with photographs of four-year-old Dana whose mother goes to hospital to have a baby. This.is useful for children in a similar situation who might like to identify with Dana and who are at the stage of asking where the baby comes from but not how it got there. “My New Sister,” by Bo Jarner, covers the same ground, but more joyously and explicitly. Here there is a photograph of the baby being born with the older child explaining, “She’s rather wet and messy because

she’s been in Mum’s tummy.” Both are positive about life with a new baby, indirectly" suggesting ways of dealing with a toddler’s jealousy. Gunilia Wolde has produced two little hooks which very young children enjoy. The first, “Emma’s Baby Brother,” deals with a new baby after he is born: the cuddles and feeds he gets from his mother, his dirty naps, his crying, his tugging of Emma’s hair, as well as his wonderful, tiny fingers. The second, “Thomas is Different,” deals with the most obvious anatomical differences between girls and boys in the context of a game of mothers and fathers. It is commendably non-sexist in its treatment of parental roles. Mother dresses Teddy while Thomas, as father, cooks a “lovely pretend dinner in the little cooking pans.” For children who have reached the stage of wondering how the baby did get into mum’s tummy there is a wide range to choose from. “How a baby is made” is one which "young children (aged four to six) respond to with delight. The pictures are bold, ■ cheerful, and explicit, showing intercourse, foetal development, and birth. The text is simple (never more, than four lines a page) and includes the emotional and physical feelings of the parents. Yet some parents say they find Knudsen’s drawings crude. They may feel more comfortable with one of the most beautiful books available for this age group, Margaret Sheffield’s “Where do babies come from?” The ilustrations, by Sheila Bewley, owe more than a little to the Post-Impression-ists and present the basic facts against a background of lace and flowers, madonnalike mothers, and tenderly beautiful. babies displayed against the appropriate pink or blue. The trimmings are softly romantic while the text

is excellent, providing for young children one of the best descriptions yet of the body and its functions: For slightly older children there is the comprehensive “Illustrated Family Guide to Life, Love, and Sex for early childhood.” Originally published in French, this is a cheerful account of 7-year-old twins visiting a pretty pregnant aunt and the questions they ask their parents about her baby. Like many of the books for this age group (from six to 10) it provides information on sex within the context of a warm family' and social situation. We read about Aunt Linda's courtship and marriage, and the way in which her extended family look forward to the new baby. We also read about the care Aunt Linda takes of her body while she is pregnant, and of the various stages the baby will pass through as she grows up. A final chapter looks at the mating habits of the children’s pets. “Birth,” by Agnes Rosenthal, is another book translated from French. Here two children discuss an expected baby and what their parents have told them about sex: “They went for tvalks and al! that.” The father says, ”... we wanted to kiss and hold each other all the time.” “With no clothes on?” asks the son. “A baby in the family” by Althea, also emphasises the importance of family relationships and includes useful comment on the fact that even, people who love each other sometimes quarrel. One book I would recommend above all others is Peter Mayle’s “Where did I come from?” This is one of the funniest and at the same time most sensitive of all the books for young children on human development and relationships. Dedicated to “red-faced parents everywhere” it includes not only

excellent accounts of male and female anatomy, pregnancy and birth, but also of love-making, conception, and orgasm, topics which parents often find much harder to talk about. It can be enjoyed by every child and adult from about seven upwards. Another excellent publication is Claire Raynor’s “The Body Book” where sex and procreation are just one of the many bodily functions described. It is, in fact, a

complete anatomy and physiology for the under-l Os. It concludes with a chapter on dying. In a second article, next .< week Nancy McMillan will discuss books which help > With some of the more dif- -' ficult questions which children ask about sex, and will also list some of the titles available for older ’ ; children. The. second article will also discuss where the books mentioned can be obtained. . .