Reporter's Diary

Press, 27 February 1980, Page 2

Reporter's Diary

■ Y.' £ r , • . •; at •: j Caught out : : ; A CRICKET fan oh His. way to watch the fourth day' of - the test match yesterday, was stopped opposite the Lancaster Park, gates by a small wanted to sell him-'a 'season pass for half-price. Ignoring the warnings of his friends, the'man paid $4 to the lad, thinking- be would get two days cricket for the price of one; But he had been duped. The “pass”’ was a Sunday day pass, cut in half, with only the “pass” words remaining. He complained to the gaet-keeper about his plight, saying that he had already parted with $4, and pointed out the culprit over the road. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one,” the gatekeeper said. “That kid has' made $23 in the last few days.”;.- ■ ( ' ’ T Forbidden fruit? HAVING made their demands for metric time — as mentioned in the “Diary” a few days ago — the students at the Uni-

versity of CLlnterbury are •now .turning, their attention'to the suggestion that raspberry jam is linked with ' cancer. Like ■ the impressive-looking document about metric time, the report about raspberry jam is equally forceful — until you look at it more closely. Evidently, it is the second in a series of elaborate hoaxes being pulled by the Students’ Association for Orientation Week at Canterbury. This ■ one anonymously claims .that synthetic pips are being added to raspberry jam by two big jam-producing firms after separating the real pips out of the fruit. “University tests in New Zealand have shown that there ’ is a statistically significant correlation between the consumption of these synthetic- raspberry pips and the incidence of stomach cancer,” it says. Researchers have actually managed to isolate “piperiziane” and “piperidene” as the cancer-caus-ing substances. They even say that the “pyroltic pips

per million (ppm) particulate quotient has been internationally accredited.”

Pip-squeaks

SUCH elaborate, bam boozling jargon is all very well,, but it doesn’t take long for the cracks in the argument to appear: wisecracks start to. crop up all over the place. For example, the report says that the combined effects of alcohol and raspberry pips were tested, and the conclusion was reached that "alcohol consumption ought to be reduced in proportion to the amount of jam consumed within the preceding four hours. Anyone consuming more than 30 level teaspoons of jam within the preceding four hours ought not to drive,” it says. Other conclusions are that fruit-fla-voured ice-cream should be avoided and that “children should be warned of,the danger of playlunch traditions like swapping sandwiches.” Householders requiring a free analysis of their home-made jam are invited by the hoaxers to send it in a plastic bag to the Raspberry Jam Analysis Bureau at the university. Finally, jam

eaters are urged to heed the warning to avoid the pips, otherwise “forbidden fruit could get you into a real jam.”

Thirsty work. MUSSELS by the sackful, whitebait by the freezerfull, and’ litre upon litre of liquid refreshment are in store for what promises to be the West Coast banquet to end all banquets. At Queen’s birthday weekend, Granity School, 16 kilometres north of Westport, will celebrate its centenary. Former pupils of the school — as well as of several schools in old nearby mining towns which have since become ghost towns — will gather for a traditional West Coast do. Explaining the enormous quantities of liquid refreshment being bought for the three-day occasion, a former All Black, Bill Mumm, a former pupil of Granity and now chairman of the organising committee, says: “They will have a lot to talk about, and talking is thirsty work.” The festivities begin on the Friday night and are expected to continue nonstop during the week-end. Even when the official functions temporarily

close in the early hours of the morning, plans are already being made for parties to continue at private homes. Stranded

“I’VE HEARD about cats among the pigeons,” said a reader yesterday, “but I’ve just seen a kitten sharing a tree with the birds.” She was referring to a 14-week-old, pinkycoloured Siamese kitten, called Monty, who escaped from his owner’s arms on Monday evening after being taken to a vet in Deans Avenue. Monty had then skittered 14 metres up a tree over the road in Hagley Park. Not surprisingly, young Monty couldn’t get down again, and all efforts by his owners to rescue him were in vain. Monty 7 had to spend the night up the tree, miaowing piteously all the time, our informant said. Early the next morning, Monty’s owners called the Riccarton Borough Council, and in no time at all a kindly lineman using an extension ladder climbed up and brought Monty down safely.