200,000 teasers will be enough

Press, 12 October 1979, Page 15

200,000 teasers will be enough

By

JOHN COLLINS

The whereabouts of the Alan Whiskers advertisement (“There are 200.000 reasons why I chose Air New ZJealahd”) continues to puzzle. If it were, an advertisement for the Railways, its absence would be understandable; it would probably be rotting in a waggon outside Gore or somewhere. What we have at the momenjt is a peculiar, almost Biblical, ritual in which Whiskers manifests himself unto us for four or five seconds every now and again warning us to

be ready for his Coming. I do wish he’d hurry up: much valuable viewing time is being lost in speculation about what sort of act he will pull when The Advertisement is unveiled, to live up to the promise of these tedious teasers.

My own theory is that The ’ Advertisement is so overwhelmingly effective that Whiskers insisted on being allowed to get well clear of the region before the thing is unleashed on us. Immediately upon exposure to The Advertisement, I am sure, the entire viewing population will weep and wail and gnash its Freedent. rend its embroidered “Points of Viewing” viewing bodices (now new and improved, and still available in several sizes* and with a free wonder additive that removes unsightly hair and improves your child's memory wile-u-view), and

will flock, wild and dishevelled, to the international departure lounge, where it will find all the Air New Zealand planes have been booked out for years ahead by the Permanently Departing, and so it will have to fly Qantas or Continental instead. Since I have no money to pay for an air fare, I have taken the simple precaution of lashing myself to my viewing chair each night so that I may hear The Advertisement without being overwhelmed by it. I have taken the fur-

ther precaution of surgically removing the ears of family and staff so that they shall not desert, and they are under strict instructions not to untie me and let me go to the airport however much I may rave and plead when The Advertisement is upon me. To those of you who do manage to fight your way onto a plane when it happens, I’d like to take this opportunity to say bon voyage and good luck in your new countries. Those who, like me, manage to resist Whiskers and stay this side of the time warp that is building up round this country, will continue to be puzzled by the enormous difference between here and elsewhere in official willingness to recognise the right of individuals to live their own way.

. On Wednesday TVI s “World in Action” documentary was about a rally in London in which homo-

sexuals were pressing to have the age of consent for sex between homosexuals reduced to 16. as is the case with heterosexuals. It wasn’t all that good, consisting as it did of too much footage of atrocious gay bands (musical, not marauding); but it might have caused the odd Decent Citizen to wonder why things are so different here, where the whole lot’s illegal. We seem to bring in all sorts of unnecessary and repressive laws and justify them on the ground that it’s what they do in Britain or America; yet, when it comes to following suit in liberalising laws, we say we do tilings our own way.

I should like to have seen a studio discussion follow the “World in Action” documentary in which our own attitude to homosexuality was discussed. Indeed. I cannot understand why it is not standard practice to follow overseas documentaries with either a short piece relating their content to local affairs, or with an inexpensive talking-heads set-up.

Any high, effeminate giggles in the studio discussion of homosexuality could always have been edited out in case they offended, of course. One wouldn’t want to wreck anyone's career over a little thing like that.

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