Is 'Gomma’ friend or only a figure of the past?

Press, 13 July 1979, Page 7

Is 'Gomma’ friend or only a figure of the past?

By

TUT THOMAS

When did you last see your godparents? “Not since I was baptised, I guess.” “At my wedding reception five years ago.” “Last week.” “Don’t remember. Can’t even think what they look like.” But the most frequent answer in a random survey of young men and women was: “Godparents I don’t have any. I’m not baptised.” Godparents seem to be a slowly diminishing group, mainly because fewer children are being baptised — up to onethird or one-half as many as were christened 20 years ago in some churches.

Not all denominations now require godparents. One minister said he regarded the system as archaic, a kind of linger-

ing social custom and that religiously committed parents made better sponsors than family friends who had become church “drop-outs.” One vicar said he gives prospective godparents a pep talk about their duties in advance of the service. Some of them withdraw from sponsorship because they feel it would not be honest to accept responsibilities they are not prepared to fulfil. Fair enough. Parents choose godparents for a number of reasons and not always with the right motives. The best selections are men and women who are practising Christians, willing to go as far as taking over a child if its parents die or become incapacitated.

Such godparents become part of an extended family with a lasting care about the baby they held at a font.

But quills often the

sponsors chosen are well-to-do, influential bachelors and spinsters who a. . garded as “soft touches,” good for generous gifts and for useful job references in later years. They are the ones who are most likely to Jose interest in a child as it grows up and lose contact with its parents as their life-styles change. Some parents merely want backstops for their child, close friends and relatives who are likely to be willing baby-sitters; honarary “aunties” and “uncles.” Twenty years ago grandparents would put a bit of pressure on their children when they became parents. (“Dear, when are you going to have the baby .‘done’?”)

And grannies, in particular, would have some say in the suitability of

godparents considered. Today’s young parents would see that as interference.

But if they are committed to their faith baptism for their children is part of it. Such parents still select carefully those they wish to profess for their child.

There is a modern trend to let children make up their own minds about church affiliation when they are old enough to understand what the promises to be a good Christian entail. This is one of the reasons why churches which practise adult baptism are expanding and they, obviously, do not require godparents, only witnesses.

Roman Catholic godparents seem to take their responsibilities more seriously than most, judging by the survey. But, as with the others, much depends on the conscience of the individual as u>

how far loving care is extended. There must be relatively more Catholic godparents in the community because, it is said, there is no evidence of the number of baptisms falling off in this church.

Godparents can be wonderful friends, whichever their denomination and are often easier to talk to about some things than parents, Mine were like that, bless them.

I know a young “swinger” w’ho usually turns to her godmother for guidance before she approaches her widowed father with decisions she has to make.

“Gomma always sets me straight in my thinking and sends me home liking myself a bit better,” she said-

The girl’s cousin remarked: “Lucky old you

My godparents are shadowy figures of some distant day in the past. Trimmings round ' the font."

The bachelor godfather of a teen-age iad who lost his father in an accident is another friend in need.

“My godfather has been my dad for 12 years,” the bo. said. “He helps me sort out all my problems, even maths, and I do his garden. We appreciate each other as human beings and, I guess, we need each other.” But a godfather of four admitted he was a “threequarter backslider.” He had sponsored three of them because he did not like to refuse their parents’ invitation to “stand.” “I have no idea where these three voungsters are now or their parents,” he said- “But my fourth godchild is very special to us —like one of the family — and I hope to help put him through medical school.”

It seems a pity that baptism and the custom of godparenting is on the wane when you meet a godmother of seven who looks on her “tribe” as a substitute family. They are not blood-related but all have become friends.

What they like best about her is that she is always good for a laugh when life gets a bit sticky, one said. “She never shows disapproval when any of us misbehave, but helps us talk out what had got into us.” No marks for guessing who was sitting beside one of the boys in court when he was up for petty theft. In her quiet, unassuming way she has seen to it that all seven have been taught the Apostles’ Creeds, the Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments, the Catechism and “all the other things which a Christian ought to know and believe” for the health of the soul — as she promised to do at their baotisms. If she knows one of them is slipping up on church attendance she will telephone the recalcitrant for an ordinary chat and finish off with: “See you at service on Sunday at 8 a.tn. Pancakes and syrup for breakfast afterwards." A harmless enough inducement. She has never forgotten to hand any of her godchildren gifts at Christmas and for birthdays and presents for confirmations, graduations and weddings. They are not lavish gifts but always thoughtfully chosen for the individual.

Too good to be true? No, just a natural who enjoys being a godmother. There may be many more like her in Christchurch, the women (and men) who saw their godchildren “last week.” But I didn’t find any quite so expansive or more cherished. f