Reporter's Diary

Press, 7 December 1978, Page 2

Reporter 's Diary

Tipsy ’hog A CHRISTCHURCH family had grown so accustomed to hearing a faint clinking of bottles in their garage that they took no notice of it. They assumed the noise came from neighbourhood cats prowling around. But one morning recently, on opening the garage, they saw an overturned bottle of wine and a chewed plastic cork on the floor. Lying in the middle of the spilt wine was a completely blotto hedgehog who took at least 48 hours to open his eyes, the family reports. However, he shut them again quickly — no doubt the poor animal was suffering from the headache of a lifetime. A Dog’s life THE CAT called Dog, a long-time resident at Lyttelton’s Canterbury Tavern, has a fan club — of one. Dog celebrated his fifteenth birthday yesterday, and received a birthday card from an unknown admirer. Dog has been the subject of two recent items in the “Diary,” both of which mentioned that his birthday was on December 6. The card, appropriately addressed to Master Neville Andrew Herbert Dog (Neville Andrew Herbert was his name before he was rechristened Dog when he moved into the hotel) wished him a very happy day. He spent his

birthday in his usual spot on top of a bar stool, graciously receiving good wishes from patrons. The grey tabby, apparently earned his name by coming running every time he was whistled. Cat food WE HEAR a story of a Melbourne shop that used to be famous for its meat pies. The shop had sacked a member of the staff who, in turn, took great umbrage. One day, so the story goes, when the shop was crowded with customers, he rushed in carrying two dead cats, banged them on the counter and yelled: “There’s two more. I’ll bring the rest in tomorrow.” Back to basics AN EXTRACT in the Education Department’s “Education Gazette” of November 16 deserves this week’s award for good (or bad?) gobbledegook. It reads: “A student week is a period of four or five days in any week. The number of days depends on the posting pattern of the particular college. If two students are placed on section with the same head teacher, each week may represent two student weeks, provided the actual length of time each student is with the head teacher is at least two weeks.” At least a stu-dent-week would be required to work that one out.

A Humphrey? TELEVISION ONE has taken exception, we hear, to the expression oft associated with “A Week of It” and the scenes in the Gluepot Tavern. While filming commercials for their television campaign to sell the record made by the “A Week of It” team, the familiar expression “Jeez Wayne ” was edited out — and stayed out in spite of arguments in its favour. Apparently, TVI thinks it is a bit too profane for its listeners. The campaign has recently started on television and in. other media. In print, one plug for the record goes like this: “From the wacky, weird mob who brought you ’A Week of It’ comes * Record of It’ and ‘A Cassette of It’ and ‘A Single of It.’ If you get the picture of it.” Timely reminder MEMBERS OF the North Canterbury Hospital Board were anxious to complete their meeting yesterday before noon. When the meeting started, it appeared that time was on their side, because the clock on the wall said the time was 6.5 a.m. After 30 minutes, when it was in fact 10.30 a.m., the clock said 10.40 and the meeting’s pace began to hot up a bit. Only seconds later the clock clicked and whirred furiously, and showed the time as 11.5 a.m. Wrong key A WOMAN had driven home recently and had

cause to search her handbag. To her surprise, she found her car keys. And when she looked at the dashboard, she saw her housekey, keeping the car going. Her incredulity was matched by her annoyance when she remembered that she had recently called out the Automobile Association when she locked the car keys inside the car. If only she had known then that her house key would fit. Toys at risk MAKE SURE any toy you buy this Christmas has no sharp points. Such toys are under scrutiny in the United States, after growing concern about the number of children placed at risk. Toys such as sewing 'machines, which need to have sharp points to function properly, are the only American toys exempt from a new regulation banning dangerous toys — and even they must display a notice warning buyers of the hazard. Tit for tat ADVERTISEMENTS from businesses wishing their clients a happy festive season have become a game of one-upmanship in Rangiora. The local plumber says that he wishes all- his clients a “Merry Christmas and a leaky New Year.” And the local hairdresser, not to be outdone, wishes every citizen a “Merry Christmas and a hairy New Year.” —Felicity Price