Who are Jimmy Carter?

Press, 14 October 1976, Page 9

Who are Jimmy Carter?

f By

RUSSELL BAKER,

of the New York Times News Service

Ladies and gentlemen, our guests today are Jimmy Carter, the Democratic candidates for President. I cannot help but observe, Mr Carter, that there are three of you. Would you please introduce yourselves to the audience?

“I am Mister Nice Guy. My name is Jimmy Carter and I'm running for President. Americans are good people, and I’ll never lie to them. I love you all. Amen.” If I remember correctly, Mister Nice Guy you are the Jimmy Carter who won the Democratic nomination over the opposition of such men as Henry Jackson, Morris UdalL Jerry Brown, and Frank Church. What was the secret of your victory, sir?

“It’s time for Ford to quit hiding in the rose garden and start telling the American people the truth for a change, to start telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

M y question was addressed to Mister Nice Guy, sir, but since you have interrupted, perhaps you will introduce yourself. “My name is Jimmy Carter and I am Mister Tough You certainly sound tough. I take it that you do not share Mister Nice Guy’s

love for all Americans, or at least that you do not let his Christian forbearance stop you from attacking at least one American — the President — as dishonest? “As well as a boob who knows nothing about arms, limitation except the expiration date of the present treaty.” If I can go back to my question to Mister Nice Guy “You are a good person, and I will never deceive you.” Thank you, Mister Nice Guy. After winning the nomination, you went to Georgia to play softball and fish, but you don’t seem to have taken much part in the campaign since then. What happened, sir? “Could I answer that, old buddy?” Certainly, but first, please introduce yourself. “My name is Jimmy Carter and I’m Mister Regular Guy. After we got the nomination, it looked like old Nice Guy there had done his job. He’d made a lot of beds in the guest rooms of folks in a lot of towns, and it looked like people of the raffish sort, who never get around to making the beds, might feel he was a little too prim and unctuous for their taste.” So it was time for Mister Regular Guy to carry the ball?

“There are a lot of voters in this country who don’t get their beds made from one day to the next. There was no point in surrendering the unmade bed bloc to the Republicans without a fight.” So you are the Jimmy Carter who undertook to charm Norman Mailer and the “Playboy” reader with raffish, regular guy jargon. How did you feel about this, Mister Nice Guy? “All Jimmy Carters are Americans, and Americans are good people, and I love them all.”

That is a very touching statement of human tolerance, sir, but I suspect our audience is wondering why it did not see Mister Regular Guy in either of the television debates. Any explanation for that, Mr Regular Guy? “The polls were killing me. The colourful talk bombed on Gallup, Harris, and Roper. Who is the greatest regular guy president of all time? Harry Truman. I made the Harry Truman scene off the back of a train and darn near wrecked the campaign.”

That must have led to a top-level strategy conference of all the Jimmy Carters. It appears from recent campaign developments that there was a decision to send Mr Regular Guy back to Georgia to join Mister Nice

Guy at the fish pond, and to send you, Mr Tough Guy, into the battle carrying the standard of the jimmy Carters.

“My answer to that question is that Ford has not told the truth about where his lunch money comes from, is too dim to know the Red Army is in Poland, and has to ask Henry Kissinger’s permission to use the White House.”

Do you make these harsh attacks without consulting Mr Nice Guy for Christian guidance? He is, after all, the Jimmy Carter who won the nomination. And how do you, Mister Nice Guy, feel about being retired from the contest? Mister Nice Guy? Where are you? He was here just a moment ago. Where has he gone? Isn’t there any more Mister Nice Guy?

“We can get him back any time he’s convenient.” Which of you gentlemen will occupy the White House if Jimmy Carters are elected? Anybody want to answer that? No? But you’re smiling. Such mysterious smiles. You know something, but are not saying. Could it be? Yes, yes. You saw it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Not in a Barbara Walters interview. There is a fourth Jimmy Carter in the wings. His identity? Destined to remain a secret unless America sends Jimmy Carters to the White House.