RANDOM REMINDER

Press, Volume CXVI, Issue 34097, 8 March 1976, Page 24

RANDOM REMINDER

HOLESMANSHIP

Two triends in St Albans live about a hundred yards away from each other, one in an old house that is about to be razed to make way for another gimcrack barracks of inflation-hedging flats, 'he other in a house which is known in the vernacular as his "own” i.e. he shares it with one wife, one child, two mortgages, and a cat of indeterminate gender. The iwo-year project of installing a small built-in wardrobe completed, and the wife away on a mission to expunge their frail solvency at Mrs Pope's the house-owner decided that he would, at last, face the task of building up the mound of earth in the front garden so that his wife could install the ferns, iceplants, and cacti that have waited patiently for two years in the seclusion jf the back garden, the wardrobe project having first priority. It v as a warm day, and, stopping only to borrow a wheelbarrow from a passing neighbour and loosen the top of a 'lagoo of beer that seemed ' in

danger of remaining untouched unless something was done about it, he trundled off to the nearest source of free soil: his friend’s old house; where he found that only the quick reactions and steady thinking of his friend had prevented a brown paper bag containing several bottles of beer from staying forgotten and unopened for longer than was absolutely necessary. Naturally, he socialised a little with his friend, then went to the bottom of the garden, filled the barrow with soil, had a chat with his friend, and took the soil home to h incipient mound; where he found that an acquaintance had called in t '■ see him.

This put the houseowner in somewhat of a dilemma as he did not wish to be antisocial towards the caller So they had a varn, and further steps were taken to minimise the danger of an explosion in the flagon, an occurrence which, reports in the paper had suggested, could lead to horrible mutilation. The owner then explained to

the acquaintance that the mound erection had to be done that day, but he should make himself at home and the owner would call in tor a chat between trips. The houseowner then took the barrow to his friend’s, said hello, filled the barrow, had a chat, took the barrow home, talked a bit ; with the acquaintance, took the barrow to his i friend’s, had a chat, filled th-- barrov said hell • j walked home with the soil-filled barrow, had a yarn wL.h the acqua'r: ! ance, went back along the road ior some more soil, and so it continued for what turned out to be an ; exceedingly pleasant day — so pleasant that the house-owner at one point found himself wondering why he had put the job off for so long. But at some point, noone can be absolutely sure when, something went terribly wrong. For when the house-owner's wife arrived home in the late afternoon, she found a deep hole precisely where she had always ! planned to have a mound. !