IDENTIFYING ROAD FIENDS

Press, Volume CXVI, Issue 34089, 28 February 1976, Page 12

IDENTIFYING ROAD FIENDS

SIMON MARSH, in London, has observed the posture and mannerisms of the driver next to him as he waits for the lights to change, and he believes that he can probably tell whether the driver is one of the top 10 road fiends.

The time may not be that far off when a new piece of information will be considered by your insurance company before it issues the policy for your car.

It will be what you look like when you sit at the wheel! And that is because how people look when they drive seems to reveal more about their personalities than almost anything else they do.

From recent tests at Hamburg’s Traffic Behavious Clinic it is claimed that the way a man or woman sits at the wheel of a car gives an astonishingly accurate insight into what they are likely to do once the vehicle is mobile.

Indeed, the 10 “general posture categories” devised by the clinic, and into which most bad drivers are said to fall,

are now being used by several major German insurance companies as a guide to accident potential.

For instance, there is the SERGEANT-MAJOR, who sits dead square in his seat, grasping the steering wheel as though it were a poisonous snake.

He takes a perverse satisfaction in thwarting a driver with long hair or trendy clothes. According to the Hamburg researchers, he is often likely to be henpecked at home and the only chance to assert himself comes behind the wheel of his car — when his wife is not in the back seat. The MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD MAN sits bold upright, holding the wheel in a vice-like grip. He never hurries, never changes his mind, and will not budge an inch to allow you to pass. To him, motoring has not changed since petrol was 25c a gallon. Hang back a little and hope he will turn off somewhere.

The VOLGA BOATMAN sits with his shoulders almost touching the wheel and his arms wrapped around it. His steering is, to say the least, erratic. Keep clear of him on corners; he tends to drift over the white line. Just as hazardous is the SACK OF FLOUR who looks rather as if he was shot as he got into his car. He slumps in his seat, usually with just one hand on the wheel in the 12 o’clock position. In fine weather his other arm will be propped on the window-sill. His favourite position is straddling two lanes, and he appears more interested in the scenery than in other traffic. Watch him carefully — he will not be watching you; he is quite capable of drifting into your path. His only good point is that he never drives fast and so his accidents are usually pretty minor!

RACING DEMON actually races, in of the expensive

crash helmet on the back shelf. He just likes you to THINK'he does.

The driving seat is pushed back to its limit and arms are at full stretch, clutching a tiny leather-bound steering wheel.

There is plenty of tapdancing on the brakepedal and noise, and unnecessary doubledeclutching. The trouble is he is probably likely to miss a halt-sign or two in the process. Do not try to pass — it will only bring out the worst in him . The MUSICAL MOTORIST sits angrily at the wheel, hunched over it and playing an impatient tattoo on the rim. He has a grand time in heavy traffic and seldom uses the brakes when the horn will do. Says Dr Helmut Schultz, chief psychiatrist of the Hamburg clinic: '“While horn-honking is a sign of emotional immaturity it also indicates extreme mental and physical tension.

“And wuen a person drives under tension, he is much more likely to come to grief because his judgment is warped.”

The GET-UP-AND-GO MAN lounges back among the leather and walnut as though he owns the road, and has a bank balance to prove it. To him, the world belongs to the big and strong, and little cars must get out of the way or else.

If you have got a little car and a no-claims bonus it is wise to do just that . . .

Then there is the JONAH who clearly regrets the day he ever put a down-payment on a car and wonders whether he will get home to tell the tale.

He drives with both hands gripping the wheel as though they are glued to it and his progress along the road consists of a series of nervous sprints, followed by braking at the slightest hint of trouble.

Do not get too close behind this one.

Of course not all motoring types are such menaces. For instance, there is the PLAINCLOTHES MAN. His hands are in the correct 10-and-two position, and his eyes flick around like radar-scanners.

His driving is just too careful, too correct, with no give and take. He must be a policeman off duty, and in any event it is wise to treat him like one.

Finally, there is the HOT-SHOT, identified by his relaxed lounging position behind the wheel, steering with the one finger that is not gesticulating to his passenger or holding a cigar.

He will cut in, overtake on blind corners, leap at you from side-junctions — and apologise with a bland smile and a courtly wave That is presuming he lives long enough to get as far as you. So there are your top 10 read fiends and how to recognise them by their stances behind the wheel.