Seven wifely virtues

Press, Volume CXIV, Issue 33540, 22 May 1974, Page 6

Seven wifely virtues

'By DAVID GU.VSTOX)

Recently women in six countries voted to decide the seven things women wanted their husbands to be. These were, in order of! importance: tender, cour-l iteous, sociable, under-! standing, fair, loyal and honest. Well, after 25 eventful! years as a married man, and as a counter-blast for Men’s Lib., here are my considered, i notions of seven things men want their wives to be. 1. LOVING. Ot course. But , even in these enlightened j i days far too many women; I once they become wives i 'think that if they are good! iproviders, good companions! and good mothers, that will! • suffice. There’s still too much of the old Victorian 'feeling of “leave all that kind of thing to him.” A Tea! wife must possess in fullest measure that cardinal female virtue of being i loving in herself, and knowing how to express love.

2. RESPONSIVE. Not|l ionly sexually, but in everyj iother way as well. A man! •needs beyond almost all else'' a woman who will respond)! automatically to his mood or! feeling. Not one who reacts) "with hauteur, indifference, or) ;worst of all, snaps, “Don’t! 'be sillv.” MARRIAGE DOOMED 3. AMIABLE. Spinsters! often miss out on congenial; J male company because,' !, unlike wives, widows and di-; vorcees, they have never! learnt to be amiable towards) men in the way that men | ijlike. This can be quite a) t !separate quality from 1. and; ;2., and need never reach out! I so far. But unless a wife is; Jan amiable person, her marJriage is doomed for ever. 4. UN-BOSSY. If there is i one thing on this earth that 99 men out of 100 dislike , intensely, it is a bossy woman. All right, one man; I in 100 needs such a one for; ; a wife, but the rest of us • need one like a hole in the head. Usually, female bossi-

ness goes with a loud and oiten narsh voice, a fierce racial expression, accusing eyes and an enmess aggressiveness mat must conceal an. inner insecurity. Nagging iis of course a symptom of iail this, altnougn some 'women contrive to nag in an ! acidly carping way without Trying to dominate. Pernaps they are the worst of ail.

a. UN-JEALOUS. If only ail wives could learn tnat jealousy- is m ract tne unwritten Lignm Deadly sm, me most ueaaly and corrosive oi an amotions, and also by far the most tnilaish m any adult, men maybe iirey wouid not cling to it so much. No, a wire must dismiss jeaiousy from ner mind, because it too stems from a sense of emotional insecurity, if sne is reauy teenng emotionally insecure in ner marriage, a wife snouia question why. But jealousy never helps.

PRICELESS 6. UNDERSTANDING. This is a quality so priceless in every wile tnat it ougnt reauy to oe higner up me

list. A woman who' understands men, their foioies, | tneir special way of looking at things, their needs ana nates, is already a potentially perfect wife. But a woman who fully understands one man, and who lives that understanding every day without resentment ana with warmth, is the perfect wife. This leads naturally into being sympathetic, and there are lew days in any marriage when the husband does not crave even a little pearl of sympathy. If a wife cannot give it, then she is tailing down badly on her job. And her man is one day going to ■ seek it elsewhere. It is as 'simple as that. 7. LOYAL. Spouses must be loyal one .to the other. What is more hurtful to any male ego — and in the process more damaging to any marriage— than the wife who belittles her man, his earning power, his wordly success, his clothes, his opinions, his efforts generally? It makes no difference whether she does it with humour or with sarcasm: the effect is the same. Whatever she may really think, she must stand up for him in the world. This is not to say ■she must not have views of her own, but to ridicule her mate to others is also to belittle herself.