Grapefruit gave false signals

Press, Volume CXIV, Issue 33455, 9 February 1974, Page 10

Grapefruit gave false signals

By

J. R. WIGNALL)

My friend Henry really is an unlucky sort, of chap, so it’s no wonder he always looks unhappy and lugubrious. He never gets anywhere with the women either, which f suppose onlymakes him worse.

At first the article about the Grapefruit Giris in “The Press” on January 19 struck Henry as a glimmer of hope on an otherwise black, horizon. He told me about it in the pub. Apparently you hang around the cash desk of a supermarket until you see a young woman pushing a trolley with two grapefruit in a plastic bag on top. This is tire signal she is willing and available, so you go to her and offer to pay for her groceries. If she likes the look of you she hands over the trolley, you pay up and off you both go to her place. It all sounded too good to be true to Henry and it was, in Christchurch anyway. On the Monday, he tore down to his local’ supermarket and hung around the cash desk for nearly an hour with no success. ’'Then he heard a deep voice beside him.

“We have a lot of trouble with shop-lifters in this store, sir. Of course, we always prosecute. Only way to keep it in bounds.” Henry was startled. “Actually 1 am waiting for a friend.” he stammered, stretching the truth only slightly, he hoped. “Yes sir,” replied the store manager. “It’s a nice day, why not wait outside?” Henry fled, considerably abashed. Second attempt When he had recovered he tried again. After 15 minutes, there she was. Not quite Raquel Welch but Henry was a bit desperate by now. Looking pointedly at her grapefruit, he inquired politely, “May I pay for your groceries?” She looked at him with surprise in her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. “Suit yourself,” she replied, not very romantically Henry thought. He took over the trolley, paid the huge

bill, collected two heavy bags and chased after her. “Where to?” he gasped. “In the blue Austin over there, my husband will give you a hand to open the boot.” Well, what could he do? He had offered to pay and she had accepted. Besides her husband looked like an All Black prop. There is one thing about Henry. He never gives up easily. The following day he returned to the fray at a different supermarket. After half an hour he saw the signal — grapefruit in a plastic bag on top of a trolley. She was a bit more mature than Henry had expected, but it takes all sorts he thought, and besides many men prefer older women. He approached her. Another failure “May I pay for your groceries?” She glared at him. “How dare you? What makes you think I can’t afford to pay for them myself?” she burst out. “But, but the grapefruit,’’ stammered Henry. She cried, “Get out of my way,” seized the bag and hit him with it. I said at the start that Henry is unlucky and this proves it. He had chosen a supermarket that had just run out of the fresh variety, and he suffered several nasty bruises from two pounds of tinned grapefruit. It would have deterred a lesser man. But after a couple of days recuperation, Henry resolved to have one last try. Perhaps, he thought, I am going the wrong way about it so he changed his method. He went to another supermarket, filled a trolley with assorted parcels and tins and put two grapefruit prominently on top. Very slowly he trundled his purchases to the cash desk. Then came the final humiliation. A very precious young man minced up towards him cooing, “Hello darling. May I pay for your groceries?”

Henry looked at him, suppressed a sob and fled leaving his trolley behind. Now, he tells me, he does all his shopping at the comer grocer’s.