A CHOICE OF FITTINGS

Press, Volume CXIII, Issue 33241, 2 June 1973, Page 14

A CHOICE OF FITTINGS

(By

WHIM WHAM

The Prime Minister, Mr Kirk, told reporters of an Education Department building where some of the fittings exceeded those of a high cost tourist hotel.—News.

Norman, you put It very nicely. I wish you’d put It more precisely. You speak of costly Fittings, — I’d Prefer to have Them specified. Is there a Departmental Building With Mirrors, Chandeliers, and Gilding? Ankle-deep Carpets on the Floor Of Lobby, Lounge, and Corridor? His private Shower for each Inspector, — A sunken Bath for the Director? With solid silver Trays and Teapots Instead of whistling Urns and cheap Pots? With damasked Drapes, broacaded Chairs, Marbled and balustraded Stairs? More like a Grand Hotel, or what Some Grand Hotels are like, Some not, That any Edifice designed With the Affairs of State in mind? No More of these unstately Piles! Back to our primitive plain Styles. Dusty Venetians, grey steel Files, Our plastic Seats, clean Lino Tiles, Tubular Tables, Miles and Miles Of varnished Plywood — more severe Than cheap Mahogany Veneer! Norman, you make Me apprehensive, — Are they so ruinously expensive, These Fittings? Having gone so far. Why won’t you tell Us what They are? Just tell Us, without Fear of Scandals, — Is it the Plumbing? the Door-handles? Murals or Sculptures in the Hall? — Not Microphones behind the Wall! Open your Mind, and let’s All scan it, This Building can’t be bugged, now, can It?