As I Hear. . . Procession Of Noses

Press, Volume CIX, Issue 31967, 19 April 1969, Page 22

As I Hear. . . Procession Of Noses

! It is some time since I have ’ retailed here any of those ’ coincidences of which I am so fond. But now I have two, which occurred on the same spot and within five minutes. I was looking out a doorway on Lambton Quay. I saw a tall man approaching: Well set up, dignified. (You might take him for a retired Colonel of Marines: but in fact he is a retired master tailor and has never sniffed either salt water or cordite). He passed. Twenty or thirty yards behind him came his double, in looks, height, and bearing. This is true. And I remembered the morning when, in Manners Street. I met Sir Donald Bradman—spry, dapper figure, bird-like face: the image of the man who was at the moment, no doubt, broking stocks in Australia. I walked on and within fifty yards encountered another Don Bradman, like as two peas. The only difference, the first Bradman wore a nattv brown suit and hat and the second a natty blue suit and hat. This is true and I reported it here at the time. But my second coincidence. As I went on looking out at Lambton Quay there passed a man whose nose was Roman, jutting in a bold arch. Not I more than 20 yards behind him walked a second man whose nose was Roman, juti ting in a bold arch. Roman noses, jutting in a bold arch. , are not so common that I was ■unimpressed. But here is the incredible thing, yet the fact ’of which 1 now solemnly! assure the incredulous reader who will, all the same, believe me. Behind the second man. by 20 yards or so, came a third, whose nose was Roman, jutting in a bold I arch. * * * I It troubles me when 1 find ! Cabinet Ministers forgetful: of their responsibility. As we all know, the Govern- : inent carried on to the Statute Book, last year, an Act set.ting up an autonomous i authority to decide whether, I according to circumstances and to conditions, licences should be granted to private applicants seeking to estab-; , lish a broadcasting station. I ’ emphasise the word “autonomous." The authority was Ito be free to make up its I own mind. Not surprisingly, | the Opposition pertinaciously argued, or suggested, that the Bill merely masked the Government's intention to introduce private radio; and the authority was to be its catspaw. Now the assertion or the suggestion that the authority would do the Government's bidding, and was’ intended to do so. was improper and is belied by the record of all autonomous authorities set up as such by successive governments. They have not acted, and they do not act, as agents of Government policy. Yet the sad; thing was that, during the debate on this Bill Government speakers did not hesitate to expose their wish that the autonomous authority Students Kept Out The Mexican immigration authorities refused yesterday to allow 10 university students from England to enter’ !the country, declaring them: "undesirables,” a Government official said. The immi-l gration spokesman said the , students were from the Uni-: versity of Essex and attempted to enter Mexico by air: and bus. “They had long hair. ; heards. ragged clothes, were dirty and had no money,” the official said.—Nuevo Loredo,’: April 16. ji

they were setting up would introduce private radio. Surely this was to play into the hands of the Opposition? But what was said during the debate has been emphasised since and Ministers have declared their belief that private radio will be established before the end of the year Children! Children! You set up an autonomous authority to decide these questions. Then why set up to prejudge its decisions? Look. There is no Kirk standing on the sidelines, ready to scream “Foul! Foul! I told you so." Isn’t it stupid, as well as improper, to give him the occasion? But such is my faith in the autonomity—if there is such a word—of established autonomous authorities that 1 am undisturbed about the future. ¥ ¥ ¥ This is a third list of things I am tired of. (I) Writers and speakers who use the word "furore" as if it meant an explosive protest or objection It does not. It means an expression of enthusiastic applause, and nothing else. Oddly enough, the Shorter Oxford Dictionary may be taken, and has been taken, to authorise the sense of a hostile demonstration; for. among the synonyms in definition of “furore,” it uses the word “rage.” How unlucky! For the S.O.D. intends this word in the sense of vogue or craze; as when you say. or might have said, that' pud-ding-basin hats were (how long ago?) the “rage." (II) Cricket commentators who say “does the fielding" instead of “fields.” Following the lead, of course, of all those double-uppers who say or write “face up to” instead of “face” and “meet up with" instead of “meet." But why do I waste my time on those who insist on wasting words. (III) T.V. advertisers who’ have convinced themselves i and hope to convince me that I a rabble of younglings, swing-: ing with it, will move me to buy a washing machine or a hair-do. Not me. But I get so sick of these whisking, I glistening locks, these swaying buttocks, these toothy orals . . (And then I re- ! member Shakespeare: “Crabbed age and youth.” and I remember the dim days when I the ad-men and I lay in the i same cradle and they whis-i pered to me that the first; thing was to engage the young, who buy today and will be buying tomorrow. To. engage? My old cot-mates will 1 grin if I say the right word, is "entrap ”) (IV) Cricket commentators! who make a poor fist of imitating my great-uncle Samuel Johnson’s trick of inversion. (Little Arthur:. “What’s inversion?” Gover-; ness: “Putting things back to! front." Little Arthur: "Like clergymen’s collars?" Governess: “That is different.”! Little Arthur: “Why?” Gov-; erness: “This interrogation, will now cease. Ed.") Well. : my great-uncle used to turn! sentences round: “The defects; and faults of Paradise Lost! it is the business of impartial criticism to discover."! Yes. The grand manner. But j when my friends the commentators say "up from third \ man comes scurrying longlegged Lloyd,” it is not the grand manner but a scurvytrick. Or, to give another and baser example,” over his shoulder heaves he his! harmless bat” But that one. I confess, I made up; not the first. ¥ ¥ ¥ When I quoted here Mr! Muldoon’s delightful sentence ibout members of the Oppo-

sition up on every new problem “with open mouth” I did not expect Mr Kirk to fall on the phrase with open mouth, as he recently did, and appropriate it. Not commendable. Surely Mr Kirk can coin his own good things or get a clever secretary to coin some for him. But I meant at the time to quote a fresh phrase of Mr Harold Wilson's naughty boy. the rumbustious Mr Brown. Mr Brown, casting scorn on some opponent, said he should be "kicked in the Bahamas." (Who could say it better’’