RANDOM REMINDER

Press, Volume CII, Issue 30269, 23 October 1963, Page 23

RANDOM REMINDER

PROGRESS

The remark made by the American boy to his housemaster at Malvern College, “I can’t last much longer without a dame,” deserves a place beside such well-known witticisms as “England this day expects, etc.” and “When did you last see your father?” By now, the lad will probably be in a position to sell his life story to one of the more widely-read publications. ... “I was a Teenage Trappist” or “Life in the Malvern Monastery” with exciting revelations of how he tricked the sports mistress into bringing the

crocodile past the football field, and smuggled a Round Robin to Betty Braceteeth of the Lower Fourth in a doughnut. “There is Nothing Like a Dame” sings the chorus in “South Pacific” and according to the boy’s headmaster, this is a conclusion now being reached some 18 months to two years earlier than it was in 1900. Of course in those distant days—when Wharton was only a boy—it was a simple case of not mentioning a woman’s name in the mess, and all that. Today, it is different. A fourth former without a girl friend begins to wonder whether he suffers from

halitosis, too low a standard of personal cleanliness, or unshined shoes. It is time the American boy’s cri de coeur was heard more widely, particularly in the boarding schools. Perhaps Eton could be persuaded to open its doors to select Young Ladies, provided the place has sufficient tennis courts to cater for the rush of entries for the mixed doubles. It would probably mean the end of the Wall Game, but progress cannot be hindered by pointless tradition. Somathing must be dona t® stem the nation’s crocodile tears.