Importance Of Maintaining A Balance In Family Living

Press, Volume C, Issue 29474, 28 March 1961, Page 2

Importance Of Maintaining A Balance In Family Living

"Do we find ourselves so engrossed in outside-the-home activities that we only think of our husband’s meals and his clean socks?” This question was put to women members of the Christchurch Parents’ Centre last evening by Mrs Helen Holmes in a talk on “ManWoman Relationships in Family Living.”

Mrs Holmes warned of the pitfalls facing the housewife with too many interests apart from her family, and emphasised the importance of maintaining an even balance in her enthusiasm for interesting activities and her role as a wife and mother.

“In New Zealand today the woman does seem to be the focal point of the family,” said Mrs Holmes. “The man has to a certain extent lost his aloof position as head and dictator to the family. In some cases he is not even the sole provider—the breadwinner. The pattern of family life has changed vastly, and out of the pattern arises all sorts of complicated factors that have to be taken into account if we are to see ourselves as we are.**

The list of a woman’s activities in and outside the home was a formidable one, often including home decorating, gardening, sport, a part in community affairs, reading and entertaining. “When do we spend time with our husbands?” asked Mrs Holmes. “With the woman rushing madly at six things at once and the man working hard at his job and being a general handyman at home, when have either of them the time to contemplate the situation and enjoy each other’s company?” Remain Feminine

Mrs Holmes said that a woman must be able to remain feminine—she was when her husband married her. “A woman is first a wife and partner to her husband. A husband must be able to find peace and relaxation in his home, though providing an atmosphere of peace can be a full-time job for a woman.” For a woman, life was full of opportunities and all of them interesting. But she would need a good deal of physical, mental and emotional stamina to pursue them all. This applied also to

all the things a woman had to decide for herself by herself. decisions which could bring feelings of insecurity and uncertainty.

In this situation it was sometimes hard for the woman to accept her dependence on her husband, and might be the cause of a lot of her difficulties. It was hard for her to strike the balance between her natural dependence and her newfound independence.

‘‘We must remember that our husbands have this independence too,” said Mrs Holmes. “There will be many who don’t wish to be involved with feeding time and nappy changing, no matter what the books might say. We must realise this and respect it. There will be many husbands who resent the interests a woman may wish to pursue outside her home. There may be many wives who find themselves frustrated at the prospect of so many interesting things to do and so little time and energy to spare for them.

“There are so many pitfalls. The man is no longer the single-minded dictator, sure of his authority, the woman is no longer his willing servant who only employs roundabout methods for getting her own way, the children are no longer seen and not heard. The role and status of each member of the family are no longer clearly refined and accepted.

“The love and understanding between a husband and wife need to be of monumental proportions to withstand all the batterings and conflicts that we meet in living today. But that is the

thing to hold on to. That and the realisation that w-e are dependent on each other, that everything we do affects the other partner. “With this realisation firmly accepted and valued and enjoyed, it is not as difficult after all to find our way through the maze,” said Mrs Holmes.