THE PASSING SHOW-UP.

Press, Volume L, Issue 15140, 2 December 1914, Page 2

THE PASSING SHOW-UP.

(By ''Kuscot>in. ! ") NORFOLK ISLAND. Those scroamTngly funny humorists, the Prohiboosers, arc pointing to Norfolk Lsland .is a shining example- of the virtues of Prohibition. Turkey, not being iv altogether good odour just now, is disregarded. But Norfolk Island, Mr Cocker—what about it? Isn't Norfolk Island a garrison outpost, manned by the Commonwealth military forces? Outside this garrison population, couldn't you put all the people in Norfolk Island into your hat and not need a larger size than that gracing the Socratic brow of your juvenilo lead, the cheerful Mr Toombs? Is it not "dry" because Mirister Pearce, at the behest of the Prohiboshters of Australia, inaugurated the dry canteen ? Why not come nearer home and point to iloto-lloa as another shining exemplar? Look at the lovely parsnips they grow there! If anyone wants to do a real Christmas service, send the Norfolk Inlanders a threepenny packet of parsnip seed, with directions for making. A patch of parsnips a yard square would keep the entire civil popu'iation of Norfolk Island in the jim-jams for the term of their natural life. Or. fai.Tng parsnips, green gooseberries or sawdust would do at a pirch. .V° v C3.n make $8 p,er cent, stagger juice out of either of them by soaking in water till they rot and ferment. But, Air Cocker, probably Macquario Island in the Antarctic, is a Proliiboose island, too. I present it to you with my blessing- You are at perfect liberty to use- it to point the moral and wlora the melodrama of Cursed Derink. staged at Cathedra] square by your All ■?>tar Company of comedians every davit 12.30 p.m. • • • ABOLISH BANKING. How often do we read of the poor bank clerk who, finding £30 a year .von't keep hi 111 in shirt cuffs, dips into .he till and tries to get rich quick by backing the penics? To "se the Proliboose argument,' if the money were ot there, ho would never steal it. Is it not a scandal that temptation like :his should be thrown in his way every 'moment of his working life? Think !iow he might strut resplendent down Ca-shel street in all the glory of his fancy sos. were it not that the Banki! g Traffic lures him to his destruction. Vbolish Banks, I say. - What's the ;ood of one man being honest when jther men steal? Sack the honest nan to save the thief. Anything ,vrong with that logic. Mr Cocker? Say the word and I'll present you with a ■ap and bells, all for your very own. • * * I'M SO TIRED. Thank Massey that the poll will be .aken on Thursday week. I'm so ired. I want to grow my sweet peas m peace, where the Cockers cease from cackling and Mr Toombs does not make ■;he welkin* ring ' with cacophonous laughter. I want to sprawl on my lawn with two large bottles of ale, a plate of fruit, a supply of cigarettes and ihe morning paper of December 11th. I'll let the sunlight spill on mc in gallon loads and'smile-as hoppilv a healthy chil' 1 when I read what King Cole did to King Cocker. Or I won't lose any sleep if King Cocker does it to King Cole. You see, I'll have a volume of Keats's poems, too, as well as the two bottles of ale and the fruit- Thank goodness, life has its compensations and its cheerful interludes. I mean no offence when I include Mr Cocker and his other seriousities among the latter. (Published by AwiancemextJ