IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume XLVIII, Issue 14400, 6 July 1912, Page 9

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

■ ■■ ■•• ■"■ "Doctor," said Mrs Fawncy, "I believe I have gout."" "AVhat is your husband's salary, Mrs Fawncy " asked the doctor. "AVhy, he receives 25 dollars per week." "You are troubled with rheumatism," replied the doctor. —"Cincinnati Enquirer." Customer (sarcastically): I've managed to cut this steak, but I'm bothered if, 1 can chew it. / . - Waiter: Yes, sir.' AY© guarantee our knives, but our i esponsibility does not extend to our customers' teeth.— "Punch." Knicker: Which end of a cow gets up first? Butcher: It all rises at once. —"New York Sun." "You wish to marry my only daughter," murmured the magnate." "Would you take from mo all that 1 have to solace mc in my old age " "By no means,"• declared tho duke warmly. "We want you to keep at least 50,030 dollars".—"Sacred Heart Review." Leading Man (in - travelling . .company): AVo play "Hamlet" to-night, Laddie, do w«* not? Sub-manager: Yes, Mr Montgomery. Alan: Then I must borrow the sum of twopence. Sub-manager: AVhy ? Leading Man: 1 hare four days' growth upon my chin. Ono cannot play "Hamlet" in a beard. Sub-manager : Um —well —we'll put on "Macbeth."—/'Punch." Gibbs: "My wife explored my pockets last night." . Dibbs: "How did she come out?" Gibbs: "As an explorer should. Sho acquired enough material tor a lecture."—"Boston Transcript." Oletimer: ''Is your married life ono grand, sweet song?" , Newlywed: "Weli, sine© our baby's been born it's been like an opera, full of grand matches, with loud calls for tho author every night."—"Tit-Bite."