HIS SIMPLE LIFE.

Press, Volume LXIII, Issue 12897, 31 August 1907, Page 6

HIS SIMPLE LIFE.

By Emeu-OS Howm.

Everybody knows of tho apectacaUr exhibitions bj- wrhich the eastern half of America is taught the true and abiding characteristics of the western civili-ation. It is, therefore, unnecessary to enter upon detads as to tnis particular Wild West show. Fust of course, came the grinrt pee-rade, with perhaps a co«P'. c ,« Wn riders, white and red. AM thought I, "if only one of those boys emild ride like Jimmy Tough or Dick Wilson!"' ~-.<__« There was something in tho hgur© of one of tho leading oow-punchere which distinctly reminded mc of ;he latter gentleman. Presently, he stoooe<l in his stirrups to pick up a fallen hat, mi-.sod it, and turned aside with a humorous twist of the mouth which was unmistakable. . "Dick I" I cried. Afterward, I met him among the tents and upbraided him as one fallen from it, oh! I know it." ■*:<! ho- "I'm low down, an' I don't deny it ' I didn't think I'd ever oome »o this; but a feller ha 6to eat if ever ha enct forms the habit. "You know," he continued after a time. "I was horse inspector at tho Chicago stock yards for a while, not l'-ng after Jim Mulhally and mc raided the dance hall up in Montanny, and ri _ off dressed up in pink tights and angel wings, behind a bunch of horses we found loose enough to drive. I told yon Jim later got in the penitentuary. *I did some time in tho stock yards myself an' then pushed out west again. Down at Kansas City, as luck would have it, I met up with Jimmy Tough; yon know him. Wo was both brok© an' had to do something. Couldn't go back to Wyoming because we were both blacklisted there by tho cattle associations. Couldn't go to Montanny, on Account of that dance-hall business. Jimmy says! to mc. 'Say, where all can wj go at, amy way?' " 'Most anywheres will do me,' says I: 'but tho trouble in these days, there ain't no anywheres.'

"Jimmy ho sighed. 'The only thing we can do,' says he. 'is to find o job ridin' along a wire fence, or .bringin' the little lambics home at nght.' An' we was straight-up cow-punchers, both of us, onct. "At last Jimmy says, says he: 'They've got nil the Injuns corrallod down in the Nations. An' you know.' says he to mc. 'that where there's Injuns there's always horses.' " 'That's enough said,' says I. .So w,-> started.

"Wo mover! clown along whore the old cow trail used to be, an', say, it was a shame! There was grangers everywhere, same as there was up in Wyoming; farms, barns, hay stacks, on' merry windmills every way you looked: country all full of folks that called themselves white. What we ran against was ono continual procession of oil Belts, an' political canvosscrs, an' town elections, an' leading citiaens of new commercial emporiums.

"At last we got down near to what we took to be tho Kiowas. Anyhow, them folks had horses scandalous. We starts off one night with about a hundred or so. It ain't no sin to take horses away from Injuns. It's a heop more sinful to fence up tho open range. It was tho hardest thing you over saw to got that bunch of horses to any place th<vt wasn't full of barbed-wire an' prat tl in' babes. Wo tried to work north, dodgin' the courthouses the best we could acrost this here country that they used to call the Range, but tho very first night out, we were jumped by about eighteen hundred mixed population, an' wo had to scatter. "Jimmy, he went west with about forty head. I circled the rest of the bunch and got away with them, but which way we wont I never did know. I kop' on a-ridin'. In about four days [ headed into a wire fence lane, an' run Across a new sort of Injuns—several houses, sort of village, I reckon. Without sayin' nuthin' to nobody I turned out my horses in the creek bottom an' went around to hunt up the chief. 1 had a plan made up in my mind. I could see there wasn't no chance for a honest, straight-up cow-puncher no more. Says Ito myself: 'Amigo, times has changed. You never have been c squaw man, but it looks liko, in the plans of divine Providence, here is whore you are. Yes, here's where you settle down an' live tho simplo life.'

"I steps on to the verandah of the chief's tepee, an' knocks at the door. Tho chief ho stops play in' on the nesv pianny tho government had give him (ho was playing 'Rosalie, the Prairie Flower,' not much, but the best; ho could) an' he comes out on the porch in right new pajamas, green, with yellow stripes. "What can 1 do for you, my good man?" says he to mc.

" 'Great and good friend.' says I to him, 'in mc you behold a chief just in on tho fast mail from the Kiowa country. I airi searching for a offensive andefensive alliance with yore tribe. I've got as good .1 ree-cord as anyone else down here. I can ride and shoot aplenty, an' I've got a good bunch of horses over on tho creek.'

"He looks at mc thoughtful, an' says ho to mc, 'Walk in.' • Then he plays mc 'Rosalie,' which was painful, but necessary. 'Tho chief an' mo talks over things together alter a while, an' the upshot of it is that he turns mc over to some old women, who, he allows, can pick mo out a bride suitable for a chieftain with something like a hundred head of horses. You know I am dark complected, on' my hair was long. As to being a squaw man, I hated to do it, but there didn't scorn no other way to make a honest livin'; an' you know I've always scorned everything not strictly on tho square. "I didn't allow them women to hurry tho game none, but I just set around an' kep' my eyes open One day I saw a Injun princetress come along, a-rid-ing on her new. low-framed bike. Says I to myself, 'Here's it!' She was a shoro peach, right white, with blue ribbons. Carlisle girl, fresh back from school and hadn't had timo to get Injun all over again yet. " 'That's Lucy Redhorsc,' says my friend when I ast whao was the name of this perl. " 'Lucy fer me!' says I; an says she, •That goes!' Says she. 'You sweeten it about ten horses, an' I'll see what I can do.' •"Ain't ten a little steep? says I. " 'Not fer Lucy,' says she, firm. 'Yon see, Lucy's plumb educated.' "I ohipped in the ten, an', to make that part of it short, in due time Lucy alio puts her little hand in mine, atf wo ambles to the missionary an' gets married accordin' 'to the idees of the church an' Injun Department. •I allowed I'd settle right down there for keeps. I was plumb wore outtryin' to get a steady job, anywaye. Lucy she had plenty of land, more land than I ever did want to farm, an' a nice log house with a spring near by. Just beyond, in the creek bottom, was a Cottonwood grove where all Lucy's folks was buried, Injun fastuon, you know, wrapped up an' left on platforms up in the trees. Sometimes Lucy would stick her chewin'-gum on the side of our house, an' go out an' eing exceedin' to liur ancestors, more especial' in the evenin'.

"Now, I'd be down there right now, lielpin' Lucy sing, fer I drop right into line in all the game, if it wouldn't of been fer Lucys ma.'' Mr Wilson fell thoughtful, but presently resumed with a sigh. '_d been right brash about enterin' "holy wedlock," said he, 'Til admit that; but you see I didn't know what time the Kiowus would get mc located an' start something, so 1 had to marry in self-defence, Bein' in s-uch a hurry, I overlooked a few Injun custom* I ought to of been posted ia.

"One of these here fool Injun idees is that when a young married man meets his mother-in-law, he must never speak to her. I wish to God there was some such a custom liko that among white folks! Anyways, if Mr Injun meets his mother-in-law, she kivers up her face in her blanket, he turns away his head, an' they don't say a word as they pass by. You can't talk to your wife's mottier, though you can play poker with your brother-in-law. "Well, one day I meets Lucy's ma right in tho middle of the trail, kerryin' a pail of water, an' fer tho sake of bein' perlite, I says to her, 'Good mornin', Mrs Redhorse, let mc kerry the pail '

"At this Mrs Red. orse lets out a Tonkawav screech you could of heard four miles. She 'lows her new son-in-law is plenty spurious. In about a hour there is a tribal caucus on my case. After it's over, the head man comes an' interviews mc. an' he extracts from mo a promise that 111 never do such a thing again. He also e_rtracts fifteen horses. "This was hard, but I kep' on learnin' more about life with the aborgynes. One day, two old red ladies comes along an' allows they'll embroider mc a doorplate out of feal beads an' calfskin— there ain't no buckskin any more, except what is made from cows. 'That goes,' says I, mc wantin' to bo liberal, you know, though I didn't need it any more'n a rabbit. When they get it done, Lucy tells mc I ought to loosen about two' horses fer this favour they done mo. I loosened.

"One night I heard a noise out near our pigpen, an' let co out of the window just fer luck. It seems like I shot my grandfather's nephew, or something of the kind. About two days after the funeral, I was told by the chief that the correct thing fer mc to do was to separate from about twenty-five head of horses. I separated. That caught mc right hard, too, fer my bunch was quick gettin' littler. After that, every onet in a while, some distant relertive would come around an' touch mc for another horse, on account of havin' helped somewheres in the obsequies. I certainly think that Redhorso family was tho prolifickest I ever did see. "One day, a right young Injun girl that had been to cookin' school somowhere up north, some relertive of inine fer all I know, why, she broils a nice, young dog, an' brings it around an' offers it to mc fer a present. I am gettin' up on Injun ways by now, and some shy on presents. But I takes tho dog, like I was raised on such. When she ain't lookin' I sets it behind the bed. Nice dog. too. legs stick up at tho corners right invitin'. Dog is good, but that was in the roastin'-car season, an' I didn't crave none. After she was gone, I takes my dog from behind the bed, an' says I to Lucy, 'Not fer mine.' 'Oh, Richard 1' says Lucy to mc, or words to that effeck, 'you'll— break—my—heart!'

"'Why", what's wrong this time?' says I. 'Havo I done stepped on another ancient custom?'

"'Yon havel says she, 'you have!'

"'Which is those?' says I. Then she allowed I ought to of given the graduate a horse for that cooked dog. 'It was cooked special,' says she. " 'But I didn't eat tho dog,' says

" 'That doesn't make no difference,' says Lucy, right firm. 'This house is on tho American plan; it was here, an' you conld of et it.' "I throw my eye on Lucy about then an' ast her please go out an' split some wood. Lucy, she splits the wood all right. "Now I begun to see that my finish was inside of lookin' distance. My horse bunch was gettin' pretty slim. Still, I loosened cheerful every time I broko a tribal custom. I rather liked Xmcy, though by now she had shed her Grecian knot, an' was wearin' her hair in two long braids down her back, with a brass conrho on one len'th an' a white shell on the other. Sho painted, too, an' every livin' day her toes turned in more. They pry 'em apart at Carlisle, but them feet draws together again, as soon as they get on grass. You can edjercate their heads a few, But not their feet, anyways not permanent. , , . ~ "You think I'd had trouble enough? Some folks never do have trouble enough. One day I stepß into a lodge which I happened to find empty, just hummin' a merry chUne to myself, an' f.ets down an' logins to pick to piece* a little bundle of rags an' things I found there. All at onct I hoars a awful yell, an' there is a old woman peekin' in nt tho door. " 'This certainly will bo about eiffht horses on me,' says Ito myself. I m resigned, but I would like to know what I've done this time.' I found out later. It seems liko this hero thing I tore to pieces was a sacred medicinebundle of tho tribe, that hadn't been opened fer about three hundred years. To touch it was worse thnn speakin to your mother-in-law. When the tribe got over pravin' fer this snc-er-lego on my part, they swiped every livin'remainin' head of horses I had. Says Lucy to mc then, 'You'll get into trouble one of these days,' 'An that s no lie.' says little Richard.

"I nin't superstitious any, but right soon after that, blame mc if there didn't come along a cyclone from Kansas, an' wipo up the earth with them there Tonkaways! Mrs Redhorsc, my mother-in-law, was among them prosent where the cyclone lit, an' she was among them absent nfter it had Ayent by! We rode sign down the trail a couple of miles, picked her up, wrapped her up nice an' buried her in a tree right near the spring-house. Lucy she wails copious fer a straight month. "By this time I'm feelin' sorer every day. It ain't so much that Lucy is slippin' hack into uncivilised ways, hut I'm riled at thinkin' how these here simple savages has skinned mc. Hero I come with nigh onto a hundred head of stock, and now I nin't got a saddle blanket to mv name, nor nuthin to put it onto. It was time for somethin else to happen; and it did. "There como into our village a couple of fellers from the States. They was collectors for some museeyum back East, scientists gathcrin' proof that there used to be times ahead of these. Thorn fellers set in tho game right easy an' quiet. They'd look at a old pair of moccasins (an' there was plenty of them, fer most of the tribe was wearin' three-dollar shoes an' hard hats), an' they'd ask what them things was. Three days hter they'd buy 'em for a quarter. I was so tickled to see 'em skin them Tonkaways that I didn't even tell Lucy who they was.

"At last one of them scientists he says to mc, says he, 'Has this tribe got anvthin' specially valuable, anythin' pertainin* to their old days? Now, a genuine sacred medicine-bundh?,' says he, an' he winks at mo calm. "Says I, 'How much?'

" 'Five dollars if genuine," says he. " 'Fifty dollars, with a written guarantee,' says I, an' I wouldn't take a cent. less. 'I only want to go to Kansas City,' says I; an' he allows he understands.

" 'Now,' says he, gettin' ambitious, as we was strollin' along in the soft, silver light of the moon, 'you don't know where I could get a good example of the genuine Injun burial customs, do you?'

" 'Grove's full of 'em,' says I, pointin' over my shoulder. " 'Now,' ho sa f vs, comin' close up to mc an' whisperm', 'a real good example, just as first wrapped up, a real good example.' " 'Do you bar mother-in-laws?' I ast of him sudden.

" 'Not in the least,' says he, 'if a typercal example.'

"Says I, "I've got one that's shore typeroal. How much?'

"Ho allows a hundred would be about right; and thinks I to myself, if my departed relations holds out, here's where I play even, fer them horses which also is gone, but not forgot. 60 I takes him down to the grove, an' showed him where Mrs Redhorse was a-layia'.

"I suppose scienti its has to make » liTit likV the rest of «•/' "*Lg Wilson, ruminatingly. "If any thing happened, it wasn't my f?»'J: *¥ ways/ when them two scientists <ie ported with their kivered waggon, 1 notice a vacant place up stairs. a few days later, Lucy she notice it, too, an' she accuse mo on suspicion. !'««>» says I to her, 'you'll-break-my C Mr Wilson again fell into a reverie, which continued for some moments. "Well, sir," he resumed, finally, a was down in New York onct, about two years after the time I'm telling you about. I happened to wander into a outfit they called a natural science acadermy, "cr something of the sort. Nice, smooth-shaved chap looked at mc, an' when I looked at him some way he seemed familiar, like a feller always remembers every shave-tail mule he ever saw in all his life. Says he to mc, 'Excuse mc, but ain't you the late husband in tho Rodhorso family down with the Tonkaways?' I says, 1 am.' , " 'Come in,' says ho. 'I'm right glad to see you. I know you'll be interested in look'in' through our place. We havo a very fine collection hero of early Americana; arts, crafts, an' industries all complete; wecpons, utensils, implements —everythin' ancient an' genuine. We have exercised the greatest rare,' says he, 'in makin' our collections : an, says he, winkin' at mo, 'if you want to see somethin' typercnl, you might oxamino Case 7, Aisle No. 2.* "I takes a look through his line of early-canned goods, liko ho said, and after a while I walks over to Case 7, Aisle No. 2, an' looks through the glass. There's mama! "What's that? Oh, about Lucy? Why, three weeks after I left, Lucy was" married to a full-blood, an' they lived happy ever after. Mo? Sure I'm married again. Is there any law against it? I married Lucille, the Cattle Queen # that rides the mean outlaws every night." "Well, You ought to ho happy,' I said, with conventional politeness. "Some men land on their feet wherever they happen to be thrown." "Some lands married."' said Mr \V r ilson with a sigh. "I'm them. Rut somehow, do you know—this is on the strict quiet, of course —sometimes I almost wish't I was back with the Tonkaways, with Lucy drawin' rations, an' mama peaceful in the spreadin cottonwood tree. Rut say, so far as that goes, I can't see that there s a heap of difference between Injun customs an' ours. I'm still a-lradin' the simple life. I'm right care-free: don t even have tho of lookm after mv own salary. I remember the eticute "all right, an' wo never speak when wo pass by; but every Saturday ni.it. mama's at the pay window nn she draws down fer Lucille an mc both. Say, I want to ast you one question." _, . , "What's that?'' I queried. "So far's you havo noticed, is evclones regular in the lines they travel? An' if divine Provenience an' a scientific museevum should join hands acain for the samo purpose,, what could a feller do. him hem' natcherly gifted in nccumulatin' typcrcal examples?