IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Press, Volume LXII, Issue 12683, 22 December 1906, Page 7

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

Bertie (to caddie, searching for lost ball): What are you looking there forP Why, I must have driven it fifty yards further I Diplomatic Caddie: But sometimes they fait a stone, sir, and bounoe back a terrible distance.—"Punch." •Journalism in Siaml A new paper has burst out with this:-—"The news of English,'o crumbs, we tell the latest. Writ in stylo and most est. Do a murder git commit, we bear of and tell it. Do a mighty chief die, .0 crumbs, we publish it. and in borders, of somber. Staff has each one been -colleged and write, 0 crumbs, like tho Kipling and the Dickens. We circle evc.y town and extortionate not for advertisements." Stranger—"Sir, do you" remember giving a poor, friendless tramp fifty cents one ctold night but winter P" Jones—"l do!" "Sir, I am that tramp; that fifty cents was tlie turning point in my r career; with it I got a shave, a shine, a meal and a job. I saved my money, went te Alaska, made a million dollars, and last week I came back to New York to share: my millions with you. But, ( unfortunately, I struck Wall street before I struck you—and—have you another fifty cents that you could conveniently spare, sir?-'—''Life." The poor man had been dining at a house where the.hostess's economies! management'is tha wonder and the despair of her friends. (She haa not many friends now.) The poor man, having ate what he could, was going. "My -dear' man," said the hostess's husband (be is as effusive as she economical), "you mUst come and dme with us again some time. Now, hams your dayl When shall it. be?»_ •fwm t n aaid the guest. Haw il^fe.deliiAtful '■" musical note fromVMtiia-fiMT—"There are troubles enongff|&3tp' world without hearing PaderowaMfeyaUy. He reaches out slowly* and _ti*4l»_he piano, drawing back hrs elbows Wra a man brushing a-girl's haii*.. You see the moonlight, andyou'ro.tbem with your girl,- but somehow she don't love you. You know the sorrow.of that* and ghat's %hy we don't like Paderewskn >Vo woukln't go to hear him again." ... THE BORTCIipK FAMILY. Young Botb Bartchok;s eight years old, Onoe caused-the life to ceaeO - Throughout the*inner workings of - ' A aergeeantoorf r police. '■■> When he limped home aad told tho tale His dad looked', very grim ' Ajid held one Slavic finger up ~ 'While thus he lectured turn: "You must be.neater, Boris, For you're graduated from Th© kindergarten methods of Mis managing a bomb, I'll buy yoa splints and plaster Once more—but this .must stop! Can't help it? BtnffP You're old enouglh TV> dynamite a copl" Sweet Oiga Bortd-ok, ten years .old, While going to school one day Blew ttp the Grand puke^unkovitcli In charming childish way. "I thoaked him, ma,Y she lisped at borne Her mother did not stir, % But held one Slavic finger up While thus she aoolded her: "You must be neater, Olga, For there's powder on your dross, And why you tone your pinafore 1 really can no* guess. Besides these tattered stockhrifp Deserve a sharp rebuke. _ Do you suppose You'll get new ©lothra Each time you kiH a duk»P_? —"New York Tinwa."