THE IDEAL HUSBAND

Press, Volume LII, Issue 9282, 6 December 1895, Page 2

THE IDEAL HUSBAND

TO-TUB KDITOK OF THE FKSSS. Sir.,—l think the ideal husband is only aa idea, like heaven; the attempt to describe him or it, as a substantial tact, ie a mistake. Women may be roughly divided into two seta. There is the woman who every morning anoints lior eyes with the ointment of faith. To her her husband is the ideal. Sight and faith being mixed in due proportions, she and her ideal husband may remain as a type for all time. It is, indeed, a beautiful picture. Opposed to her is the woman who, once her eyes have boeu opened to the fact that her husband is far from her ideal, allows discontent to work in her mind. She thinks all other husbands are near, or nearer, the ideal than her own. She may show her heart to the world, or she may for ever conceal the true state of the case. In her life, doubilese, there ie as undue proportion of the gall of bitterness. Besides these two specimens of women, who think and feel, there are multitudes who pass the time o' day in all the relations of life. If you speak to them of the ideal, they do iiofc understand you and regard you as a lunatic. Now, I think that oefore we discus 3 the ideal husband we ought to make allowauces and also consider "him historically, for husbands are history, as well as facts and'idea. Husbands in the past have been placed—indeed, have placed themselves —on a pinnacle, the giddy place of power absolute. The breath of adulation has been the principal wind that has blown around them ; they have inhaled it, and it has enfeebled their judgment on many points. Women have looked up to and adored men, poised on the aforesaid pinnacle. Now, what happens ? Women suddenly evolve the idea of casting husbands from this height. They say to them, "Do not fear; the angels of our new ideas will bear you up." Women E forge6 that a rapid descent from a high place causes confusion (v the brains of those who come forward; indeed, it ia v chance if any reach the level unhurt. Now, I think that husbands should be gently let down, or led down, from their former position ; they will then be all the more willing to take tho hand of woman and, with her, begiu to ascend the hill " Difficulty," that mount whose crown is perfection, and may never be reached, but towards wbicti there may be a tendency. We must remember that before we can possibly demand the ideal in a husband, we must eradicate from men's minds much that has hitherto not only been allowed to paß3 muster for truth, but has been insisted on as such, whereas it was only very doubtful dogmatism. For instance, an adviser would say 'to a discontented wife, "Oh ! you must remember that he is your husband, &nd so you are bound to think him perfect;" or, "He is your hueband, submit yourself to him, he will judge what is best for you." Again, "He is your husband, close your eyes to his faults;" or, "He ie your husband, it is your duty to give in." I could multiply these items of advice ad infinitum. Everybody can fill up the list, we all know them by heart. Nob only by writing aboui him shall we get the ideal husbaud, but by the slow processes of evolution and by tho often painful method of elimination. But yet lee us be very thankful, and rejoice that the idea of the ideal is in the air; for, after all, as we believe that heaven is a state ot mind and possible on earth, so we may also hope and belove that the ideal husband is an assured possibility. Yours, &c, Louisa Blake. Christohurch, December sth, 1895.

TO THE EDITOR OF THQ PRESS. Sir,—Referring to your leader on " The Treatment of Wives," of yesterday, I agree with you in thinking it rather hard that you should be called upon u> ccate their opinious, and take up a. where tlus •'advanced woin&u" is afraid to tread. Allow, mc to suggest to you that it is really where the "diffident woman " is chary of giving an opinion. You are to be congratulated upon seeing so dearly into the matter from a woman's point 0f. .. view, that ~is the average woman. Your Sentiments so entirely/; agree with my own. oa this subject. If huebands in any claaa of life would only show the same consideration and thought for their wives after they were married as they do before, there would ba far leas unhappinesa in the world (of course there are many who do, but, unfortunately, as far as I Oiu judge, quite as many who omit to do so). Many mothers, I admit, ace themselves a great deal to blame, as they invariably make their sons the first consideration in all things, instead of training them to thiuk of their sisters first. If boys are taught from their earliest infancy to treat their sisters with love and<re3pect they will, do the same to their wives. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but as far as my observation goes, I find thab the young men who have not been so prominently brought forward during their boyhood make the truest and best. My opiaion is that a true man, and a true maa from a true woman's point of view, is one who will always treat women with gentleness and consideration. I think myself, that true men's natures are very much like our own in many respects. They are affectionate and loving, aud also very thoughtful, without being in the least feminine. Of course, there are exceptional cases with regard to both sexes; there are masculine women as well as feminine men, with few of the good qualities of either; but we will hope that they are in the minority. I am not writing from my own experience with regard to husbands- want of thought, I am speaking generally.— Yours, &c, A. S. T. Waikuku, December sth, 1895.