HOW TO RUN A SHIP'S NEWS PAPER.

Press, Volume LII, Issue 9160, 18 July 1895, Page 7

HOW TO RUN A SHIP'S NEWS PAPER.

Au excellent way of beguiling the rtdiitm of a long voyngo, especialiy «uch a one :•.«- that by the " direct route " between Enplai'-'l and New Zealand. is to run a in which the amenities of shipboard lift- arc dealt with in such a way as to pinvirle for tlie mutunl amusement and pos-.i!)lv the iiiHtruction of the passengers. In order that ouch a mfij-unine may be a succT.Hs-, it is nacta-'ary that an editor si'.piil'.s ba s'_le:'t(jci by tha Atm-semen's* C«*i:iiiniite. and invcste'l with autocratic power, subject only to the pre-.s censorship of tbe Cc-mmander, to whom ■*• copy of the paper should be submitted for npproval prior to publica- ion.

Ai far a* the editor himself if. concerned principles should lie a vanishing quantity, ami he *.bculd accept no fvr those of contributor.*. In other word*, the lines upon which the journal is conduced should be 3'_ch a-s to oifi-r the least pos-ib'c resistance to the atmosphere -ociAl and moral in which it U to circulate. Piquancy and personality under proper control and direction unite in forming the soul of an animated ship's log such an it should bo our eudeav.ur to produce. Above all things shun like the influenza any poaching on the hippy hunting (•rounds of Philistine newspapers an regards such serious game as party polities, prohibition, questions and movements, el id genus amnt.

Of course without the cordial co-opera-tion of one's fellow passengers it wiil be impossible to provide much variety, and is is a little hard at first to induce pasaengert to come forward with suitable copy. Of poetical contributions (nave the mark I) and pro-e or a sort, there Is generally do lack ; but such, alaa, as I know from experience, too often might resemble the wailing*, of lost souls in purgatory, or the vapouring*, of Bedlam, instead of the spicy paragraphs and verse which should assimilate themselves to the mental pabulum as easily as cocktails do to the inner corporation. Occasionally contributions full of lackadaisical and love-lorn sentiment wiil spring from the most unexpected sources: from bosoms whose amatory emotions one would imagine had long ago fled to the realms where old moons reign and last year's roses bloom. A stout elderly gentleman, with a severe aspect, and who looked prosaic en•-•!•__, for an M.11.R. who paid his debts and h <d a stake in the country, or at any rate a Nonconformist conscience, once sent to our newspaper some passionate lines oa a "Woful Heart," which concluded with this gem :— I fondly kissed hot tears from her chseks, Until I left no trace? ; I held bar fast to my coating breast, Until I'd ruined my braces. "Domestic occurrences" often afford a paragraph or two. For instance during a hoavy squall a sea was " pooped," and a passenger badly injured, besides considerable damage being done aloft. Tbiu was reported in our paper as follows :— ** Divorce in High Life. A decree nisi waa pronounced by Justice Squall on Monday last, iv the case of Yard v. Sails. An immense amount of dirty linen was washed and torn to ribbons before an eager multitude. There were several ladies present notwithstanding the protest of Justice Squall, but admirable order was preserved by tbe officers of the court. In spite of this there was considerable presure iv the rear during the most interesting period of the proceedings, a regrettable incident* being that of a young Irishman who, becoming too demonstrative, was somewhat severely handled and overwhelmed by a surging mob representing the co-respondent. We are glad to report that he is now doing well, and that the nasty blow which he received on the head is not likely to, produce any abnormal development of that organ." Advertisement columns can be utilised In a variety of way*. Here is an example: " Wanted immediately a husband by a young lady. He must be tall, sound in teeth and limb, and well broken in for double harness. Preference given to a man Hko Mr En." The following reply appeared in the next number :■— "The young lady who advertised for a husband in the Record of oth inss is earnestly requested to communicate privately with the undersigned. Ho is young and good, looking, oft lOin in his socks, sound in wind aud limb, teeth all stopped lately. He doesn't know who Mr B——-n is, and doesn't care. Hit only difficulty is—popping the question. Corks come easier—alas ! too easy." Among the lost and found advertise ments are some that are quite pathetic. For instance: "A young lady lost her heart at the concert on Thursday last. Sho knows who has it and requests the finder to keep it until she calls for it, aud to be careful not to break or crush it." The following is enigmatical, but is evidently meant to convey a hint to someone to be more guarded in his language : "Found in tha saloon, *ear(r)ings in the form of D's with ruby appendages Apply " There arc generally to be found on board ship some crusty old bachelors and others who are for ever grumbling at the dear little children and babies around them. It Was evidently some such person who inserted this " exchange ": " A strand chance for saloon passengers: A flock of fine kids. A good milch cow Would be accepted in exchange. Immediate delivery must be agreed to, and the flock kept as far aft as possible. A pretty shepherdess will accompany the flock, provided that an equally pretty milkmaid goes along with the cow." It is notorious that on a long voyage the ordinary bonds of social intercourse, friendship, and flirtation, are often tightened to such a degree aa would seem effusive and risky on shore. That the sea has an unsettling effect on the affections of young people, is as trite a truism as that Jack has a sweetheart in every port. It is not surprising, therefore, to And such an exchange as this: "An engagement ring. Quite new, but does not fit tightly—would try another, but preferably a wedding rlng.-—Mißs Tottie Q.T." By interviewing passengers who Join ihe ship at the ports of call, some interesting travel notes may often be gathered. From a man who boarded us at the Cape the following/acfs were elicited in regard to domestic life among the natives of the Transvaal; " The women of the country are not less remarkable for their lack of beauty than for their lack of virtue : otherwise they make excellent wives. The present market value of a wife is eleven bead of oxan, and although her face may not be her fortune, her possession is invariably auch to her husband, as she henceforward becomes the breadwinner and domestic drudge. Tbe husband in the meantime develops into a retired gentleman, spend, ing most of his time when not eating and sleeping in squatting on his 'hunkers' and scratching his hide. Altogether a wife may be regarded as a better all-round investment than with us, and a pleasing set-off to tbe exorbitant price of drinks and other creature comforts in tho Transvaal. A bottle of beer costs 5s and a glas. of whisky 2«. It was chiefly on this account that I left the country." Notices of concerts, dances, sports, &c, should of course find a placo iv a ship's, newspaper; and, if the editor it* sufficiently venturesome, and the permission of the Press censor can be obtained, a lady may be invited te contribute a fashion column.

With regard to the method of production, if a typo writer is available tbe paper

m.-y be produced by that means. Failing

■-•■vi-c.nience, some form of manifold ->. ri:.e« is generally obtainable. In any case it in d.sirable that tho paper should be issued weekly, even if it is necessary to circulate two or three MS copies, as there should be no difficulty in obtaining the assistance of the young people to do thi*. Tho plan of collecting copy and leaving printing and publication until arrival at some port of cull ii not to be recommend;:-.', as so much of the matter possesses a.i ephamerai intercut only, which evaporates by delay in publication. There is no reason, however, why the c-mp!fi*.e journal, consisting say of four or five number-?, should not be prrpireu for the press and printed at '.he end of the voyage, tliui formta-*; an agreeable memento of a month or so of ocean travel. v C. H. Romanes.