TWO HEROES OF FICTION.

Press, Volume XLVII, Issue 74518, 6 February 1890, Page 2

TWO HEROES OF FICTION.

The following extracts are from tha clever satirical article in the Cornhill Magazine, entitled "The Hundred Gates; a Dream of Bad Books: "— THE WOMAN HERO.

On the gate a man of middle age was seated, of striking appearance. He wore a pointed beard, ana he was unusually handsome. His figure was athletic and graceful. It is always difficult to remember what anyone wears, but he left in my mind a general impression of-ex-pensive fur, diamond sleeve-links, and freat glossiness of boot. Raising my hat apologised for troubling him, and asked if he could give mc any information. He looked up, and threw away the cigar which he was smoking. Iv a languid voice he answered: ,( We are stock characters—out of books, you know—and we're turned out to grass for the present, and that's why we sic on gates. Fatiguing weather, is it not ?" He paused to light another cigar. " Take my own case, for instance."

"Thank you," I said, "I don't smoke." He took no notice of my remark, and I see now that I must nave misunderstood hi ha.

- I am a hero," he continued, " the ideal man as imagined by the idealess woman. I have been wonderfully popular La my time. At present I sit here and practice the leading traits in my character—my consumption of cigars, for instance." Ho flung away the one he was smoking and carefully selected another. He snified at it gently, smiled, and dropped it into the ditch.

"I recognise you, sir,"-I said. "la most .of the ladies' novels I think it is stated that yon were educated at Cambridge or Oxford f' " Good old Cambridge College 1" he interpolated. •' Some of the books have given details," I went on.

"Oh, details I" he interrupted, "I should think they did. I rowed in the May sixes shortly after I'd • taken my Fellowship at King's. The fellow- there eat ham pie and drink seltzer-and-hock. Such times 1 .Learned men, they are too, but cynical—very cynical. I remember when the old Heglus Professor was coaching mc formy Smalls, in which I took a Special, sir, without work, he turned to mc and said, with a bitter laiigh, ' My motto's Pro ego, sir, Pro ego— jpAss the audit.' Splendid man he was, but always drunk I The enthusiasm he,could awake in the young was wonderful. When he was raised to a bishopric they accompanied him to the station, shouting after his cab in the words of the ten thousand under Insanlas: ' Thalassls I Thalassis 1 The See 1 The See I" , The excitement of recalling old times was too much for him, and he tumbled, off his gate. He lay on his back, murmuring faintly, "Egus, ege, egum, egi, ego, ego. I have no conception what he meant, and after picking him up and putting him oa his perch again, I ventured to ask for a free translation. Before replying, he lighted aud immediately threw away another cigar. "Ah f'he said pityingly," you never had a classical education, you never were at Eton School. But you asked mc, I believe, for a short sketch of my subsequent career. In after-life I frequently enter the army. She had refused mc, you know, and my heart was broken. I did not know then, as I know now, that her only motive was that it would have cut the book short in the second volume if she had accepted mc. They found my horse next morning in the stable, covered with foam from head to foot."' " Poor old stable!" I sighed sympathetically. ~, ''All nightlong," he continued, "I had been riding in the old desperate, dare,devil way—-Can you go on 1 "I can," I replied. **The noble animal seemed to have caught the reckless, untamed spirit of its rider. Over the black moorland and through the flooded river you sped together:in that fearful ride. With the first glimmerings of dawn your resolution was taken, for your life was valueless." "Thankyou," he said, "you've left out a page or two, but ib will do. I entered the army in order to die on the battlefield. She naturally became a sister of mercy, and found mc delirious in the hospital. She nursed mc night and day, moved softly about, pressed cooling drinks to my burning forehead—and all that kind of china;, you know. The doctor generally remarks that it is the nurse, and not the doctor, that is to be complimented on my recovery." "Itis too true," I answered; "hub ydtt are not always in the army." "Oh, no; but wherever I am, I have much the same peculiarities. Wealth is one of them; hence an almost painful profusion of cigars. My strong emotions are another. I frequently push away my plate untested, owing to strong emotions; my emotions are nothing if they're not strong. Just see mc smother an oath In ray beard." ' " Don't trouble," I said, "If it hurts at all." " Well, I have a small heard, and I take a large size in oaths ; but I do want you to understand than my emotions are strong and take a great deal of repression. At such times I generally crash my heel Into something, or gnaw my teeth or moustache, or curse a menial. Tou see that he_L It's been ground into the maple-wood flooring, into the rich tiger-skin on the carpet, into the wet sand of the sea-shore, into the fragrant violets, into almost everything into which a heel can be ground." THE ATHLETIC HERO. " Stop a moment, sir. lam still as big, simple, light-hearted, frank, buoyant, and boyish as ever. You really ought to know ma."

"What!" he cried " n „^F^mS^ ,! * Poor Jack, no one ? «'eueuS fcHS* l_ »E"a«i«^ ■ward and we were ££_ I looked un and «»«,.??. __*' watching VsT i a t W e fc e h eme_° __"«-*?& strength into mc. T__t w * - B and with a cry of ' JulTa!- m D fi the scrlmma K ft, secured the -ffn"W2_ it off in triumph to oar own -ft ** S never forget tt> uoarown B<>al. jjj "Tell mc honestly"* T •«•,- „ often as far gone *' "• J**t exll *Taffl Bt -"T a Sffiini- m PmCh the *-"■-> SiS! |; What is that r I asked. with considerable 9atUf_cH„„ A°«tte-i apostle of manliness w„22L«.«. S Kate by a short iron chain; opportunity of expressing SA^ " 1 regret," I said, " that I mi,.* my assertion that I am not iH.J'? 6B * you. You have been done wsP.**' late years you have been over-W b( N not think much of your■ SSdKL 1 * do not believe J thaf £ **£?!*"I form of manhood f 3 _.«•%» tionate bargee. I _ ay « _u 8 <% some dolaefi ii *{R great point is your .S. *°* vet you are not plucky.T, k fcj3 knock your man down, it stan-sh.* l **"- --that you never attack superior to yourself. You Tare » standing np tor the right, is so abominably dull that you make the m£oia*\n?£2-*& When you were amused at you; when you Ml faS-i?* hands, I liked you; at ffprS_-t lam exceedingly weary oi>o_ _> have met you, and trust 14_U _««? * you again. Good morning." QWw ** His only answer as I mo-*. _-—_ long low whistle. ThK S»_*»» which he h^ita-lly e xpr. 8 sessa ce r l S2:>