ROUND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 2, Issue 113, 22 January 1940, Page 5

ROUND ABOUT

(By Aitche!) , *-T Tillies have changed. If you don't believe it, read the following rules that were in force at the famous Mt. Holyoke - College in the year I 18H7: ' , "No young lady shall become a member of Mt. Holyoke Seminary who cannot kindle a lire, mash potatoes, repeat the multiplication table, and at least two-thirds of the shorter catechism. "Kvery member of the school shall walk a mile a day unless a freshet, earthquake or some other calamity prevent. "No young lady shall devote more than an hour a day to miscellaneous reading. "No young lady is expected to have gentlemen acquaintances unless they are returned missionaries, or agents of benevolent societies.'* * * * * Gad! They were gay sparks in those days. Reminds me that I heard a few details of a new padre expected in this town shortly. Said the horrified person: "He smokes, goes to the pi-ctures, and . . . how awful, lie argues politics!" Probably further information will reveal the fact that he goes the whole hog and is blade enough to chew a little gum occasionally. # * « S* . § "Disregard all prophets," said the Prime Minister in his Sunday night broadcast last week. We'd preferto treat the losses that way. • S © 9 * Now that the "tumult and shouting" that is Christmas and New Year have died away I am free to tell you of an incident connectcd with the festive season. One of Whakatane's brightest contributions to the first echelon came home on final leave with the fixed determination to crowd a? many joyous hours as possible into every swiftly fleeting day. The morning after Boxing Dsy found him feebly moaning to a local business man (hereinafter called the L.8.M.) that when he awoke he was sure he was going to die; and now, after several hours he was dead scared that he wasn't going to die! Quoth the L.8.M.: "Laddie, I have the recipe for a 'corpse-reviv-er' that either kills or cures, so you sit in the lounge and I'll stew one for you. Chemistry in its highest phases has always interested me so I tootled along to get an eye-full. Into a large glass went two jiggers of the heart of the grape as distilled by the blessed brothers Hennessy, one of tiie quintessema of the sun-steeped cordial of Curacoa oranges, three tiny drops of Angostaria Bitters and a splash of soda water. The potable was complete and the L.B.M. bore forth the frosted glass on a tray, bestowing on it all the care applied to Princes' ransoms. As the L.B.M. one-handedly edged through the double swing doors, a husky voice croaked: "Hey! Whaddya got there?"' It was the town's most enthusiastic Rummy, carrying a colossal hang-over. " "That," said the L.8.M., "is the discovery of the age. It's a corpsereviver." "You may h;;ve discovered the age —but I know where the corpse is," croaked the Rummy, and reaching for the glass, he poured the precious potion down his lime-kiln throat. He didn't know just - how true was his observation that lie had found the corpse. The reasons for his sudden collapse are not known but he had to be carried to the yard. They tell me he was out for three hours, but he didn't know that he had left the L.B.M. with a blank expression, an empty glass,- the loss of 2s, and still faeed with the prospect of reviving the wounded soldier. Did you hear about the two small buildings being washed away at Ohope? I'll tell you when there's more convenience. «** * ' Sing a song of five million reichmarks, Der pocket full of rye. Four and twenty Messerschmitts, Sailing through the sky. When der Scottlandt's under, Pull der little wire, Is it not a lovely thing, To see those towns on fire? « « * * Goebbels at der microphone, Screeching out more lies. Hermann? No one knows not where Our dainty Hermann flies. Adolf at der Siegfried Line Hanging out his clothes, When down came der Messerschmitts In flames right at his toes. Being imaginative I can picture A. Hitler hanging out the.. washing and the 'planes falling at his feet., He wipes the water from his bedraggled moustache and sighs, "Aehj It makes me sad."