OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 28, 26 June 1939, Page 4

OUT AND ABOUT

—O (By the Outsider) Following the examplp. of Trevor Lane and Walter and other j Great Columnists who occasionally employ guest writers I endeavoured to hand this column over to the •«>' White" Heron but he was not having any. I can understand, it for his attitude was that, as a conscientious journalist, it would his duty to give the real low-down on events, and this might get some of his. friends into trouble. For in_ stance, if the general public knew ft how well Fred did a haka or a hula 4 he would never get any peace, and so on. The upshot is that I' have to keep on "splitting the infinitives and skating on the verge of libel suits. * « * s So a man was charged in Wellington with plotting to blow the capital city up. The main danger of course, was that it would be blown down. * * * * There once was a fellow from Motu, Who on entering the pub said, ''and >, who Couldn't dodge the old dicks, Though it is after Six" And a voice from the darkness said "You." * 9.9 9 A steam vent has appeared in the 18th fairway at Rotorua. Nothing afe -v all to the volcanic eruption, staged by the secretary and fellow commit, tee members when the world's largest divot was brought in at Whakatane last week-end. * m # * Mysterious footprints in the snow are reported from Taihape. If they were made by boots worn down to the uppers they are probably those v\ of a taxpayer who has escaped to the hills. « * # « There was a young man of Te Ngae Who when watching a bus flashing by Took a flask from his hip And said, pip pip!" And the bus said, ''Here's mud in your eye," *9# . * "Not a bad little paper," one of my city friends said loftily! the other, yday, ''but it's a pity you don't go in for something a little brighter in the way of treatment of news." I smiled wryly and, changed the subject. Our life is bright enough now what with ''Sportsman" casting foul slanders on the Croquet Club a and the Domain Board. « $ $ * Mind you, it would be amusing to * be able to write something a bit. snappy like: "That hound Peter tho Whaler is back in town. We serve him notice to get i>ack to Whale Island in 21 hours oit we'll come ashootin' " $ $ $ $ There is no truth' in the rumour that the traveller who came up to the counter of one of our hotels the - other day and asked ''What are yourterms for commercials?'' was greeted with: ''A dashed lot of s that's what I term them." * * * 9 Whakatanc Barber: "How would you like your hair cut, sir." Customer: ''Without reference to the Croquet Club please.'' * « # * 0^ A five_storey building is planned by the Internal Marketing Department in Auckland. Still upward if no longer Onward. « « s « ''Just a persecuted minority, that's what we are'" said a fisherman, who came into the office the other day to complain about uncalled-for at-_ tacks in this column. "I bet if Hitler' heard about us he'd be right over to do something about it." Later I heard him talking to the boss about fishing experiences. "I remember/' he said "one day when I was out with a party . All the others had good bags, but I never touched a fish. Finally the others went up to boil the billy and they told me that 4 they would blow the motor horn when lunch was ready. "Suddenly I got a bite—a beauty: must have been thirty pounds. I was plajdng it frantically, and was just getting my, landing net out when^ dash it all. I hear that ——motor * horn, so I have to let him go.'' « SS * * Things That Would Please Us:—■ The Croquet Club making "Sportsman" an honorary member . The Opotiki News coming out with v an editorial headed "You can have your road, Whakatane." A subscriber ringing up and saying "I got the paper to-day thanks." A reader of this column coining up and saying "I thought that para_; v graph about me in your column was: very funny." , v Any reader coming up and saying. ~* "I think your column is funny. *