OUT AND ABOUT

Bay of Plenty Beacon, Volume 1, Issue 2, 24 April 1939, Page 4

OUT AND ABOUT

;—o_ ___ (By the Outsider) My dear, dear public! Once again I have been engaged 5 * at vast expense to favour y*o with L my uplifting doses Of s#Jid facts ■ scintillating huffl»ur. Bring the JB|Cc ~ » and children along. It Is the orig~ - inal shd# which played before * the- - Prince of Wales*, the Duke of Kent ' and many other welLknown hotels.No doubt you will be interested' in an account of my experiences; - while resting. In the first place I deny that I attempted to steal mf great-uncle Frederick's small change*.. At any rate, had my worthy rela. tive moved with the times and his silver on the dressing table, stead of knotting it in a corner of his the contretelf*p* would never have arisen, he would? ' never have known anything, and F would still have been the valued* ' odd.job man about his Te Kan>* - mansion. So the blame is largely his; Crushed by the cruelty of one- - near and dear I turned to spiritual--ism for consolation, but I - join the local group.. I understands* that it is customary to take a polF. I among the heavenly hosts on all newt" I candidates, one black marble calling. I for a new poll and two rejecting the - I applicant. I lam led to believe that my candi- I dature drew no less than three black * I balls, two of which were I ed by St. Peter and the I Gabriel, and the third by Abraham, y I who explained afterwards that he--' I thought the candidate's name was- * I Rejected by heaven and earth I I nicked Whakatane's sunniest gutte r * I and was slowly starving to death on I a diet of orange peel and peanut I shells when a relief expedition.- I which had hacked its way through: I the trackless jungles of Domain Road " I and Commerce Street. bu r st ~ » I The Strand, and after raising Tapanese flag and giving three heartv I banzais, gently lifted me from my * I couch. Minor repairs and ndiust- - I ments w?re made a n d Iws install- I ed among tlie other assets of thfr - I company, and immediately com- - I monced to function with my forifcfrr " I robot-like efficiency. I ss ® I I detect an omen in the fact that I Apanwi now holds the Apanui Shield " I I So one of our favour*te banksters • I has joined the Territorials. Indeed " I are stirring The othe?* I day a fellow banketeer dashed into - I Tim's and gasped: *'Haye you seen ■ one of our officers in. h er e? * Nels. I replied without a smile: <t Yes^ ir he I was in here a moment ago with hi 3 I sword behind his ear." I **# * I While on military topics I may •" I mention that a day or ago Wha. H katane was gladdened by the sight I of one of its prominent identities I parading the streets in a singles. I khaki shorts and felt hat with a* I feather duster ostrich plume I band. He denied, however, that he * I was form'ng a squadron of the Aus- ■ I | tralian Light Horse. I ♦ ♦ * » ■ Our former sub-editor gnashes his H teeth to think of the headlines which H are escaping him. "Wops hog Zog'*~ H is his favourite one to date. H * * *I One of my scouts came in looking H depressed-like. H ''Just talking to a man,'' he said. H "and he asked me why we ca'lel paper the BEACON. He said ons certainly did' spread the but they were always on the rocks. H I d'dn't like that much." That may be bad publicity, btft I tell it to you just to show you that I can take a joke as well as ni&k e ~ one, and all that. ~~ **# ' • Raised, eyebrows department: — "Parlk at the Heads" says a BpA— CON H # * * Keeping up the old tradition bv printing "a selection of the manv te.lecfp.ms received on the occasions - of grave i national emergency, - as the b'rth ot a new paper in Wha. katane, { present the following: .... From Great-uncle Frederick: Te Kali a still* mourns-" From my wife Sarah: "This is the end of everything stop rdrfia'ning permanently with mother stop.' From a veil-known ' m eased: .iorns me ex»i©s- - regret Councilor Sullivan dhows''.'•k musical nporecifition stop bands nsofni organisations- handsaws w than croonersl stop partner j^J ls in d**m'on«irrtson t'lmmtl. over BilVs remki-ks -ston re remit hreacu I li-He 'ost ' ~ >--1