ENTRE NOUS.

Bay of Plenty Times, Volume 639, Issue VII, 12 October 1878, Page 3

ENTRE NOUS.

"Max" presents his compliments to the gentlemen whose consciences he has unwittingly stirred up, and whilst apologising for the pain inflicted, begs to remind them — firstly, that "it is only a poor heart whioh never rejoices," and secondly, " that it is only a poor fool that can't tafee a joke." A correspondent informs me that the bootblack about whose installation in Gisborne the Poverty Bay papers are so enthusiastic is no less a person than the late night-watchman of Tauranga, Mr Francis Beresford Maning.To appreciate Francis Beresford properly one requires to know him and to have given him credit. In a month or two Gisborne will understand what a treasure it possesses, and about the same time F. B. M. will probably move on' to happier climes. He is a man of infinite resource, and can live comfortably on nothing-a-year. A new chum came into the B.P.T. office' yesterday, to know whether the "Buster"" was "Registered for transmission abroad."" One requires to think of this for a minute or \ two to realise to the full its absurdity. There was a pathetic ring in the Incumbent's voice when lie read the 13 th verse of the 31st Psalm last Sunday morning. The vocal part of the service proved to Betruly dreadful. People did sing out aa requested, but time and harmony "oh where, oh where were they ?" Firth has gone in for good substantial witnesses who are not likely to be ungentlemanly enpugh to ask for expenses. The Ploughing Match was a great success-,, as also was the Cattle Sale. It is really won- • derful how speculative people become after a. ! good lunch and plenty of beer. I once knew a man who bought a fine dromedary undersuch circumstances. He got the animal dirt cheap, but happening to live in London, and to have only a small back yard, 10 feet, by 6, hia purchase rather incommoded him. Everything considered, it was veryscurvy to invite everyone except the representative of the Press to lunch. But perhaps it was not worth while beingcivil to a poor devil of a reporter I Who caresfor reporters ? Only Reporters ! — mere fellows on papers ; Certainly we must admission refuse ; What though they've come to report all ourcapers, Turning our twaddle to readable news ?" True, we run after them for information, True, too, whenever we've wrongs to redressThen unto them we must make application, Yet we refuse to make room for the PressThat paragraph in the B.P.T. about Wil_~ cocks and the bull chilled me to the bone. I fancy I see the author of " Sweet Temperance" awaiting tho infuriated animal's charge with determined "counting-house," and when the critical moment came, seizingthe beast by the horns and flinging him overhis left shoulder. I suppose the above incident could havenothing to do with a man whom I saw tearingalong the road, as fast as his legs could carry him, with a small oalf after him. For weeks past I have been kept awake by an accursed Brahma-pootra cock, which, not content with keeping decent hours, crows all night through, regardless of boot-jacks, empty bottles, soap, hair brashes, shoes, anc. pomatum pots. After making numerous complaints, I at last persuaded the owner to kill the brute, and Jim served him up with " trimmings." Naturally he was very tough, but I made a point of eating the " Pope's nose," from which part of tho body the crowing noise is Baid to eventuate. That night I retired to bed in the full belief that I should enjoy my usual eight hours of sweet repose. Alas ! for the fallaciousness of human hopes. Hardly had I placed my head upon the pillow than immediately beneath the window I heard the terribly well-known " cock-a-doodle-do." The wrong bird had been massacred ! Here is something to encourage the ambitious youth who is vainly trying to coax his whiskers into life: — "That the wearing of the beard has somo tendency to prolong life is a fact. Longevity decreased rapidly in all nations when, for fashion's sake, the razor was was brought into use. Statistics show that among people who have never worn whiskers, no matter how simple may have been their othor habits of life, old age ia a rare thing, and that since it again became fashionable to wear moustaches and whiskers longevity is on the increase. The Neio Zealander honours me by cabbaging from this column without acknowledgement. Suoh conduct is hardly the "thing" in a Government journal. Max,