STORIES OF THE SOUTH-WEST.

Bruce Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 20, 13 March 1913, Page 4

STORIES OF THE SOUTH-WEST.

Not long since—tho narrator is speaking of (JO years ago—a steamboat called tho Old Kentnck blew up near Trinity, at the mouth of the Ohio, by which accident a lady rejoicing in the name of Jones lost her husband and her trunk, for both of which an action was brought (writes Charles Johnston in 'Harper's Weekly'). There was, strange to say, groat difficulty in proving that the late Jones had been on the boat at the time of the explosion, that worthy having been notoriously drunk on the wharfboat just as the steamer left Trinity. Many witnesses were examined to prove the fact, until finally a Mr Deitzmar, a Oerman, was placed upon the stand. Our friend 1 James Smart, was attorney for the boat, and elicited this testimony from Mr Dcit/mar:---"Mr Deitzmar, did vou know the Old Ken tuck?" "Yah. I vas blown up mit her!" "Were you on board when she collapsed her Hue?" "Ven she busted do b'iler? Yah, I vas dare." "Did you know Mr Jones?" "To be sure., 1 took passage togedder mit him." "You did! When did you last sec him on board the boat?" "Veil, I didn't see Mr Jonos on board de boat last time!" Mr Smart, certain that he had won his case, with a truimphant glance at the jury asked: "You did not? Well, Mr Deitzmar, when last did you see Mr Jones?" "Veil, ven de sehmoke-pipe and me vas goin' up, we met Mr Jones eamin' down!" To go now a little farther south, to Klorida. An officer asked an old tame Seminole how he got a living? "Oh," said he, "J preach." "Preach?" interrogated the officer. "Who pays you? What do you get?" "Oh, I sometimes get turkeys, sometimes potato, an' den hominy!" "I should think," said the officer, "that was damned poor pay?" "Yes," said the Seminole, "but perhaps it's damn poor preach!" Another •yarn with a, theological twist. This is said to come, from North Carolina:— ' A negro preaeher, referring to the Judgment Day, cried out: "Dere shall be weepin' and gnashin' ob teeth! and dem what's got no teeth will hab to gum it!" Here is another little sermon, in a contrasted key: "Bredorn ah' sistahs, in dat day de Lord s'all divide de sheep froni de goats, an' bress de Lord, we know which wears de wool I"

%& tiiiiial foffcalghfely meeting of Loyal Milton Lodge was held on Monday evening, N.G. Bro. Coxhead presiding over a large attendance of officers and brethren. The meeting was oouduoted in silence, owing to the • aeatii of Brother D. M. Dutine, P.G.'s Bros. Grealish and PowleyY and N.G. Bro. Coxhead were appointed as delegates to represent the .Lodge at the District Meeting, to be held at Naseby on Easter Saturday and Easter Monday. . . As stated in last issue, the fkat con* Bignment of eight tons of cheese was despatched last, week to the Govern* rnent grading Btore. This waß gradod by the expert on Tuesday, and it in gratifying to note that of ueventeon factories' outputs graded ac the same time, the local factory's output tied with one other factory for highest marks, defeating many other brands which generally show prominently in the prize lists at Dun* ediu Bhows, According to a White Paper lately issued containing the Board of Trade's new rules for life-saving at sea, allj snips currying oyer twelve passengers must be provided with enough lifeboats to accomodate ail passengers on board. The boats ar.e to be r ntted out, and to be carried under thej davits or on deck for rapid lowering. Life-jackets are to De provided for every person on board, in addition to a number of lifebuoys (a fair proportion to lit children) according to the ship's dimensions. The new regulations came into force on Ist March. The members of Milton Ladies' Hockey (Jiuu nave decided to hold a eooial on Jfriday, 28oh inst., to celebrate the opening ol uie season. Dc Kirk, a missionary from Canton distnoo, will deliver a misuiouary addreeß in the Miller Hall to-morrow afternoon, under tho auspices of the Tokomairiro P.W.M.U.

Bodmin, the latest addition to the miniature general election, is one of die tew towns whe/e_one can still hear the curlew rung. " Tne custom may have lingered there because of cue restless spirit of the citizens. There* is a grim story of a Mayor of Bodmin named Boyer who was active during the uprising of the West in 1549. Sir Anthony Kingston went aown to settle matters in JBodnnn, ana was entertained by the Mayor, who hoped •to escape scot-free. Kingston nad sent him notice that he had a man to Bang, and gallows mut>t tie ready. After uiuuer tney went out to inspect the gallows. "Think you it is strong enough V said Kingston. "¥es, sir," replied the mayor. "Then get you up, for it is for you." And so it was.

The current issue of the "Trade Review," commenting upon the money market, remarks 1 "There is very little alteration noticeable in the money market since our last issue, and monoy does not appear to be getting appreciably easier so far. The voiume or uur exports is well maintained, and prices generally continue very satisfactory, and for the season to date the total is some £1,43U.U0U ahead of the previous season. The returns are coming in now from the realisation of • these exports, ; and beginning to assist the money. market. The liovernment has raised a loan of £3,600,000 on tne .London market on terms which must be considered satisfactory in the present state of the market there. The Jfost Office Saving .Bank returns for the past half of last year fchow an excess of withdrawals, which is evidence that other, demands for money are attracting these funds."

WEATHER REPORT. Mr Bates, Government nieterolo- ' gist reports —Tne indications are for variable and strong breezes, but northerly gales prevailing after about 10 hours tne weather will probably prove thick and .foggy, and inuon ram is to be expected; rain probable in south. BUSINESS MEMOS. l Wright, Stephenson and Co., hold imortant oioaiing sale at Messrs'Begg Bros., Friday, a&th iust. Meeting ladies, Tuesday next, re Bruce Early Settlers' Picnic. Empire Pictures on ..Saturday ni & h,; - ... ! Ur Kirk will give missionary address at Miller's Hall Friday night. Excursion fares, early settlers' picnic Waikouaiti on Friday. Large number of entries Ulintou StocK. bale, on Tuesday. . See advt. ■ Isew autumn goods at Stewart's, Manchester House. Uarpenters wanted at Bruce Woollen Mills.