FUNNIOSITIES.

Bruce Herald, Volume XXIX, Issue 2955, 26 April 1898, Page 3

FUNNIOSITIES.

s^ " Papa," said Bobbie, pointing to the iron dog that stood on the lawn, "do dogs like that ever bark ?" '• No," said the father, " but that one barked once.' 1 " Really V" cried Bobbie. "Ye 9," said tlie father. ° I stumbled over him one night, and he barked my shins." Caller : " What is the matter with Fido that you are watching him so closely?" Charlie : " Mamma said that your hat waa enougu tv make a dog laugh, and 1 wanted to see him do it." Miss Sharpe : " I celebrate my twenty, fourth birthday to-morrow." Miss O.dago : ■' Indeed 1 And isn't it singular ? So do I." Miss Sbarpe : ' Oh I but I celebrate mine for tbe first time !" " That, air." said the phrenologist, placiqg the tips of his long, bony fingers on the bump of Bogging9's head, " is your bump of locomotion." •Bight you arc," replied Boggin^s ; "I ! got that last night while learning to ride a I bicycle." Schoolmaster : "Now, Smithson, we have read of the principal reigning monarebs of the world; which ruler inspires the most respect and feari" Smithson (thinking of his knuckles, still sore) : " The one on your desk, sir." Maude (to her husband) : " George, if I die, promise me one thing." George : " What is it, Maude ?" Maude : " That you marry Emma Smith." "George: "Why, I thought you really hated her." Maude: "I do, George j I want to get, even with her." Ha, hai" laughed Talkmore, who had seen the hard-worked editor of .1 city' paper dispose of a nuisance by sending him on an errand. "Ha, ha ! Good way touispose of' bores. Make 'em do something." " Yes, it works well," replied the editor. By the way, I wish you'd drop this letter ia the bos at the corner as you go home." Bore"No. 2 departed, looking decided"} puzzled and net altogether satisfied witfl himself. A man strolled into a fashionable church just before the service began. The-sexton followed bim up, and tapping him on tbe.shoulder and pointing to a small cur-tnafc : ' had- followed I him into the sacred ediflcei said, " dogsj^re^not admitted." . not my dog," replied the visitor/ "But he follows you," said the sexton. -" Well, so do you," replied the visitor. The- sexton growled-^and immediately retuoVerl tVe dog^ri'th trirneeessary violence. A lawyer had a great reputation 1 for•-'•'coti-leptihgibad debts. It was to this lawyer thai little Bobbie Finchley repaired when BTwaslrequested to run quick for a doctor, as a neighbour's child bad swallowed a coin. '," Bother the doctor 1" cried Bob ;. run for Lawyer Johnson ; he'll get the money out q| bia qa^Qkw taw a down dustaa* -^