Business Puffs by the Way.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 897, 13 April 1877, Page 3

Business Puffs by the Way.

We ('British Trade Journal') know of no paper that illustrates more faithfully the peculiar vein of humor which runs through American periodical literature than the ' San Francisco News Letter.' In this unique publication political satire, canstic personalities, scoffs at the powers that be, smart generalities, Yankee witticisms, and puffs of every shade — from the direct to the oblique — find trenchant expression. But full of extravagancies though it be, there is an undeniable cleverness about the ' News Letter' that covers a multitude of sins against good taste. The art of puffery finds in it an original exponent, as may be judged from the following specimens of the way in which it renders the quid pro quo. Names are of course suppressed ':' — Unpopular Personages — A fat man in an omnibus, a tall man in a crowd, a short man in a parade. In striking contrast to all this unpopularity is the popular rush for Napa^Soda: Everybody uses it. C?esar conquered the world, but he could not hit a fly on his nose three times in five, any more than the rest of us. Any man can perform the feat, however, if he drinks the peerlesß Gerke wine sold by ,at 10 and 12 Jones' Alley. It steadies the nerves and promotes longevity. An ugly wart is a difficult thing to get off one's hands. An ugly daughter still more difficult. The best way, however, to get the latter off is to have her photographed at . Their convex photos aud other new styles bring out all the latent beauties of the homeliest face. "If you want fun/ remarked old Smilax, leaning over the gate and digging the gravel with his bare toes, "you ought to see mv wife dig 'taters when she's tearin mad j" and so, if you want perfectly pure and unadulterated liquors of the best brands, you ought to go to , Front-street. A servant girl the other morning tried that good old time-honored plan of lighting the kitchen fire with kerosene. Nothing has benzine of her since. Tbe family have now discarded coal-oil and use gas The most elegant gas fixtures in the world may be procured at , on New Montgomery-street. At a party, while a young lady was playing with peculiar brilliancy of touch, a bystander bachelor exclaimed, '' I'd give the world for those fingers !" " Perhaps you might get the whole hand by asking," said the young lady's observant mamma. He did, and he fitted up his parlors with beautiful furniture, such as can only be obtained at , Bushstreet. Gentlemen who smoke allege that it makes them calm aud complacent. The more they fume the less they fret. They would never fret or pine either if they only imbibed genuine " Old Cutter " Whisky. If there is one co ignorant as to be unaware of the fact, let him learn that the sole agent for this magnificent brand is our genial friend, , Jack-son-street. Oue of the Butler County, Pennsylvania, prisoners has an accordion in jail, and another has a baby, aud an inmate of the institution who is charged with murder, and hath no music in his soul, offers to plead guilty if they will hang him next week. If the poor fellow could only hear the tone of the Hallet and Davis piano, he woqld alter his opinion. is the agent, Sansome-street. A horse's teeth tell how old the creature is, but woman's tongue doesn't. Any fool can tell that one tin of condensed eggs is equal to one dozen eggs in shell. It makes excelleut custard aud ice cream, capital cake aud pudding, and is equal to the fresh egg for all cooking purposes. All grocers keep tho article, and the agency is at Cftljfprniastreet. A person was told that three yards of ploth, by being wet, would shrink one quarter of a yard. " Well, then," he inquired, " if yotj should wet a quarter of a yard, wquid their be any left ?" He Would not have asked such a question if he bought his clothes at the elegant store of , corner of Washington and Sansome, where all goods are carefully shrunk before being made un. If you are a yery precise man, and wi^h to be certain of what you get, never marry a girl named Ann, for we haye the authority of the best grammarians that " An. Ip an indefinite article." No one dare, however, say such a thing of the glorious English muffins whiph are to be found at --^'a Bakery, on Sutteretreet, above E^earny, It is the place far excellence where a gentleman oan take a lady to liinch.