The Artful Dodger.

Bruce Herald, Volume IX, Issue 893, 30 March 1877, Page 5

The Artful Dodger.

♦ • ■ If there's a hole in a' ye'r coats, I red ye tent it ; A chicl's amang- ye takin' notes, An faith he'll prent it. What has become of my dear old friend Brown ? is a question that has been much asked here of late. His attentions for a time were so numerous and varied that it cannot now be believed be has for ever forsaken us. Has every suitable subject hereabout been " done Brown ?" I have my doubts on that point, but time will tell ; meanwhile, allow me to inform your readers, that of late Brown has transferred his kindly attentions northabout, not a few having lately been whitewashed in .that town of which the Dunedin millers are so fond. Brown arrived upon the scene at the suit of a Dunedin execution creditor to find the claim previously jumped by a local bailiff in possession. However, ke was not to be "done-Brown" was not, so he produced his credentials in the presence of the unfortunate debtor and the t'other Brown. The unfortunate disputed the amount of my friend Brown's demaud, and in order to clench the argument on his side took out his pocketbook 1 from his bosom, and extracted therefrom the necessary documents to prove his case : but in an unwary moment left the pocket-book referred to on the counter, and that moment Brown secured it in his iron grasp, and coolly pocketed the £30 therein coutained, which he claimed as the property of his client, and left the premises in charge of the man in possession, having succeeded in this ruse to secure something if he could by any chance, at least as much as would pay his own expenses of the trip. There are bailiffs and bailiffs, as illustrated in the South many years ago. A decent, God-fearing hawker got into trouble with a Dunedin creditor, who issued execution through the local bailiff, who traced the hawker to a country hotel accompanied, by an assistant, to do the return trip with the waggon. Arriving at a late hour, the hawker was found in bed iuside the hotel, aud at once gave up possession of the waggon outside. He at the same time took from under his pillow aud gave over bis case of jewellery, kept there lor safe-keeping, and as he got up out of bed to fiud the key of the box, addressiug the bailiff, he said he was welcome to everything he had in the world but one thing, aud that was his late wife's ring, which was among the valuables in the case, and which he treasured more than all the world beside. An eye-witness told me that he observed the tears gather on that bailiff's face as he handed out the riug without uttering a word, his teeliugs of pity beiug too strong at the moment to find utterance in language. My good friend Lickspittle has got into trouble once more. The pages of the usually aqueous hebdomadal which he so ably couducts was lately eulivened by a column or two of brilliant libels, evidently the effect of a broken covenant, and the inspiration derived from the " pot" that cheers and also inebriates. The article was marked as " communicated," but all readers of the journal in question recoguise the haud of the master-medium when under the influence of the aforesaid "pot." The intoxicating literary production thus spiritually " communicated" proceeded in a genial way to represent several of the respectable citizens ot'Balclutha as a set of swiudlers, who under the guise of a dramatic association had clubbed together for tue purpose of victimising the public and obtaining money on false pretences. Lickspittle is fond of making accusations of this sort, and he is very unhappy, indeed, when compelled to acknowledge that, like himself, they have not in reality a single (steady) leg to stand up-on. Knowing that such things have occurred within the wide circle of his own experience, he is consumed, with a morbid craving to father them on bis innocent fellow-citizens. Qn this occasion, I understand, the legal triumvirate of B.alclutha is in high feather. The prospect of some six separate actious for libel — two a piece — with the knowledge that a shilling damages in each case will carry costs, and that the defendant's (Lickspittle's innocent employers) are all wealthy aud well worth fleecing, this prospect has raised in the legal mind a feeliug of lofty — in $hart, has raisedin theloftymindaleg-alfeclingof — of — ei'— um — in fact, as 1 was saying, has filled the legal bosom with a gush of philauthopic devotion that would generously gather in the whole family of Adam, and set tuetn by the ears together j q orie universal and neverending action at law. A great battle took place the other night in the vicinity of Milton, which, like many another contest of a like nature, very nearly proved sanguinary, but didn't. It would appear that the Timber King of Toko, has a farm let to a Hardy son of toil - the son of one of the very oldest settlers of the district, — who, it seems, sold his crop of oats — some 600 bushels — to one of the local buyers, and had the same carted to the bullock shed qf a wellknown pub., resident in the vicinity of Milton, previous to removing the graju from the i fa,rm, it would appear that he had offered the Timber King an urder on the grain merchant for the amount of rent due, but as crops only ripen once a year, . the landlord wished a year's rent out of the crops on hand, and did I not accept the proferred order. The Timber King has a large staff of employees, who suddenly appeared at a late hour gqg night, at the bar of the pub referred to, \vh,ere, as usual, before introducing business, a "shout " was indulged in, and, of course, casually in conversation, the pub. was asked whose pats Jhese weje in hjs bullock sfced, Q n i

they belong to the hardy son of toil before referred to. This was all they wanted,, so their two Yankee waggons were conveyed to the spot, and loading up commenced. Wbile this process was going on, the tenant and his friends appeared upon the scene, and demanded what they meant by taking away his oats, and endeavored to prevent further action with that view, but being outnumbered, he thought discretion the better part of valor, and contented himself by locking the gates of the paddock, and thus preventing egress. In this way he succeeded in keeping the enemy four hours at bay, which brought the time into the small hours of the following morning, at which time the Timber King's satellites stormed the gates and carried them off wholly as the giant of old did, and just at the moment matters were getting hot, as a matter of course the sergeant put in an appearance, and thus, in all probability, bloodshed was prevented. I was afraid that no love scene was to eventuate for ray present budget, but fortunately one has turned up at the last moment. It appears that a young horsey resident of Milton, connected with one of the hotels, paid his fair one a visit on Sunday last at her parental abode, some miles distant, -where he wa3 received, not by his lady-love, but by her paternal parient, who warned him to be off or he would shoot him. " That be blowed for a yarn," thought he, as he continued to loiter about to catch a glimpse of his lady fair ; but sure enough, the old man appeared on the scene true to his word, and discharged the contents of a double-barrelled gun, to the no small consternation of the lover, with the result, I believe, that he is unlikely to repeat his Sunday visits in that quarter.